>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
March 16, 2005

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Malt Liquor Drink of Homeless and Unemployed -Study

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Malt liquor, a type of beer that is higher in alcohol than other brews, is largely a drink of the homeless and unemployed, and is likely to be abused, U.S. researchers reported on Monday.

Human Pee came in second for most popular homeless drink. And in third was Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea.

And malt liquor is heavily marketed to black and Hispanic youth, the team at Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science in California found.

Which is just a friendly way of saying it's marketed towards homeless people. Which is just a friendly way of saying I'm gonna get my ass kicked.

Their study of 329 drinkers in Los Angeles found that malt liquor drinkers are different from those who choose other tipples.

Ah yes. I remember my first tipple. I was but a young lad of forty-tipple.

Ricky Bluthenthal, who led the study, said malt liquors were both higher in alcohol than other beers and tended to be sold in larger containers.

Fascinating research Detective Bluthenthal ! Any other painstakingly obvious facts?

“We found that the combination of these differences resulted in the average malt liquor drinker in our study consuming 80 percent more alcohol per drink than the average regular beer drinker,” he said in a statement.

“Are we almost done here?” he asked in a question.

And, Bluthenthal said, the more alcohol consumed, the worse the consequences for both the drinker and his or her community.

This is the most obvious article since Newsweek's “Cigarettes: they're not all that good for you!” was released last June.

Rhonda Jones-Webb, an expert in alcohol consumption and behavior at the University of Minnesota who reviewed the study, said she was concerned about the marketing of malt liquor.

She's an “expert in alcohol consumption?” Isn't that just a professional way of saying she's an alcoholic? I mean, in a statement she released she said, “You don't know who I can…am.” What is that even supposed to mean!?

“Rap artists have been popular images in malt liquor advertising and ‘gangsta' rap performers portray malt liquor as a sign of masculinity,” she said.

So THAT'S why not a lot of female homeless people are drinking malt liquor. We have Ludacris to blame for this!!!

“Advertising influences brand choice, and what young people drink in early years influences what they drink as adults,” she added in a telephone interview.

“And what they drink as adults influences what they drink after they lose their jobs and homes,” she added in a telegram interview.

Malt liquors are often sold in 40-ounce (1 liter) bottles, she added. “Rap lyrics and movie scripts encourage ‘chugging' the bottles before they get warm,” she said.

“But malt liquor actually tastes delicious after it gets warm!” *Beep* “Oh! My cookies and malt liquor are ready!”

“The combined effects of higher alcohol content, larger serving size, and faster consumption can result in higher blood alcohol levels, an increased risk of aggressive behavior, and other alcohol-related problems.”

That's right. More alcohol and larger serving size can result in an increase in alcohol-related problems. For a “News” article, this baby sure has a bunch of OLD information.

Jones-Webb said larger studies should be done on the type of alcohol that people drink, advertising of the different types and their influence on behavior and crime.

Jones-Webb said she would do it, but she has a thing later this week, then she's going on vacation, and after that she has this other thing she has to take care of. “But like, somebody should totally do it,” she added.