…that make you suddenly want to write. Is it the inability to sleep? The need to focus your mind on something?

Or is it the seemingly profound thoughts that come into your throbbing head, causing you to seek anything that relieves that pressure.

Right now the thought that has clubbed me over its head, carried me in its trunk, and now holds me captive in its dank, dark basement tied to a chair, naked, with a blinding light pointed at my eyes is this:

Everclear, when am I going to learn?

Since I woke abruptly and much confused at 7 this morning, I've tossed, turned, and paced trying to regain my head. My bed feels like a merry-go-round… if merry-go-rounds made you take shots the night before. I've vomited four times, and discovered that I'm not able to even hold down water.


How did I get this ridiculously fucked up… ah yes. Everclear.

This isn't one of those “I went out and started pounding shots with some European Olympic Professional Alcohol Drinking Team” stories. I maybe had 3 cups of “Jingle Jangle Juice” and by maybe I mean “Mmm this stuff is good.”

I was going to list the ingredients of the juice, but even typing out the word vodka made me queasy.

The point is this: Everclear is Evil. Everytime I drink it, I end up feeling this way. I think I've nailed it down to three reasons.

1. Everclear is stronger than it tastes.
2. Everclear has a little revenge kick to it. You think you're sobering up (in fact, it's the everclear that tells you this) so you go to bed. Mr. E hasn't even started yet. When you wake up, you wonder who switched out your body with a shitty feeling one.
3. Everclear is not an alcohol. It is actually a boxer who arrives at parties, beats the shit out of you, and lays you gently in your bed with a kiss on the forehead.

The third reason is more of a theory than a fact. I'm still testing it.

I don't know how the stuff gets in my body. You'd think the mere mention of the word would raise some flags. Somehow I never remember to avoid that shit at all costs.

Everclear: 3
Mike: 0

I'm sticking to beer.