What is Happiness? Money, laughter, friends, love, an empty bottle, a job you love? I think about that from time to time, and now in my much hungover state… I was randomly unhooking girls' bras last night, if that's any indication… I think I've figured out a small chunk of that “Happiness” at least as I see it.

No, Alcohol isn't happiness. Anyone who's done morning after party clean-up and inhaled the nauseating familiarity of a liquor soaked counter, will vouch for that. But nevertheless, people seek out Alcohol, weekend after weekend, delighting in various embarassing moments that would normally signify a horrible evening. Example:

Dave: Oh man I threw up all last night! It was great!
Chris: Shit, man! Me too.
Dave: Oh did you go to Kate's party, too?
Chris: No I caught that stomach virus that's been going around… But I'm glad to hear you had fun.

What makes people rejoice in the fact that they now have an unexplained bruise or lapses in memory large enough to fit that fat chick they hooked up with is the sense of gratification and accomplishment. A sort of “I should be dead right now, but look at me I'm fine” mentality.

Death and Rebirth… The Human Condition… Other noble sounding things.

I've kind of lost track of myself. I think the reason why alcohol is so revered is thus: it is a state of forced unproductivity. In this fast-paced world, I feel like we are always pushed towards the more, the better, the faster, the greater. And sure, setting your goals and reaching them is a tremendously rewarding A-type personality wet dream, but there is nothing quite like the satisfaction of sitting somewhere and knowing two things:
1. I am sitting here doing absolutely nothing
2. I have absolutely nothing to do but sit here.

No expectations, no pressures. Those are some of the most beautiful moments in life. Ones where you decide to give yourself a little ME time. Ignore everything else and just mash away at some video game until your brain hurts, engage in long talks about nothing, go outside and just breathe for a while, essentially the moments where you procrastinate on life itself.

Alcohol comes close to that. When you decide to drink, you're essentially saying: I'm going to incapacitate myself tonight, be at the whim of my flightiest notions. I seek irresponsibility, unaccountability, and maybe some breasts. That's why people are always willing to inform you of their level of intoxication. It's Dude, I'm so drunk! OMG look at Barry, He's Wasted. Holy shit, guys. What happened last night?

From your first post-shot wince to the mind-throbbing recounts the next morning, all that matters is how drunk you were. For those few hours, it's not work or school or status. It's just drunk.

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