Victoria’s Secret can be a scary place for many guys. We don’t really have a clue when it comes to women’s underwear except that we want it off them…NOW DO IT NOW!

In celebration of a return home to EL this weekend, I made my first trip to the Land of Ridiculously Expensive Bras and Panties.

First off, Do know a little. Do a little research so you know what a camisole is and the difference between tangas, bikinis and thongs. Know measurements and chest sizes. ‘I can fit a tit in each hand’ is not really a size.

Do keep your hands out of your front pockets. It just looks bad.

Don’t ogle the women in the store and imagine what they would look like in various outfits. Do not make notes on what they buy. Creep.

Do ask for help. They girls there are nice. Tell them what you’re looking for. That’s what they’re there for. You are allowed to stare at their body when they compare sizes to their own physique. Don’t be creepy about it. Remember, they’re helping you fulfill a fantasy with someone else. You’re not buying them for yourself are you? Well…sort of…anyway…

Do not get flustered when she says she prefers crotchless and peek-a-boo. Do nod and pretend to think that’s interesting. Do forget it immediately.

Do open up your wallet and empty it out. It’s worth it. You love her right? Do not mentally calculate how many pairs of boxers you can buy with what you’re spending. It will bring tears to even the manliest male.

Do get your “money’s worth.”