Girls, if you have a blog that your boyfriend reads, do not put the following on it:

“Sometimes I wonder if I would be doing Nathan a favor by just breaking up with him. It’s hard for me not to want to spend a lot of time with him. I can be sober around him, not like with most of my other friends, and no one makes me feel as safe. But what does he get out of being with me? I just eat his food and spend his money and ambush him when he’s trying to take a shower or watch sports. He cooks me dinner and buys the beer, while I smoke his cigarettes and watch cartoons. I mean really, what's he thinking? I know that I make him feel special, since few women go crazy for blond body hair, Dutch eyes, and geeky writers like I do. But weighed against the fact that he gets propositioned for sex daily by other women, and I break his stuff like it’s nobody’s business, I still don’t get it. Frankly, it makes me feel a little guilty.”

And now I don’t get it. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with her? And how long could the answers to those questions be? I’m betting six pages apiece.