Recently, an NBA referee was indicted on charges of bribery. Apparently, this referee fixed games so that certain gamblers could cover certain spreads. Fans of the NBA are naturally shocked by this because the NBA is well known as the most well-officiated sports organization in the world. Well, after professional wrestling, that is.

I find it interesting that, when the weather is nice, I can't drive thirty miles over the speed limit without a cop catching on within a few minutes and pulling me over, but in a rain storm I can drive like forty miles over and not see one cop. Just doesn't seem safe.

According to, doctors stated that they have thus far found no cancer in President Bush's colon, but added, “You know, for the right amount of money, we might just dig some up.”

How come prostitution is illegal and alimony isn't?

In the Tampa Bay area this weekend, a 60-year-old woman was charged with felony aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after deputies said she chased two roommates with a hammer and struck one of them in the face with a package of turkey. This just goes to show you what's wrong with America today. I mean, if I had to go to jail every time I hit someone with a package of meat goods, I'd hardly have time for anything else.

You may not know this, but police officers (for the most part) have no sense of humor when it comes to filing false police reports. Think about that the next time you try to get one of your buddies arrested for statutory rape. I mean, sure it's all funny on your end, but the cops, well, they see it differently.

Eventually, and I don't mean to be a spoil sport here, but well, someone is gonna have to do something about all the homeless people in the libraries in America. I mean, either we're gonna have to start reading more or we're gonna have to find these bums some homes. Unless of course, we decide to declare war on the homeless-in-the-library situation. That war thing almost always works.

If you ever want a cheap laugh, try the McDonalds Dollar Menu.

If Jesus knew how much you spent on that iPhone, he'd be real disappointed.

And finally, because logic and fluidity recently got arrested for hitting a man with a package of breakfast sausage, I leave you with the following, which I overheard at a singles bar, Friday night.

“You know, he acts like it's my fault that he's not good enough for me.”


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