So I’m sitting at the bar, where I often sit when I drink, and I’m thinking, which I often do when I drink, about the world in general." />
So I’m sitting at the bar, where I often sit when I drink, and I’m thinking, which I often do when I drink, about the world in general. And I got this friend, his name is Luke and well, he’s about as smart as a puddle of puke. You see, it’s taken Luke six years to get through two years of college, which is why folks call the brother slow, but I ain’t never dissed him for his lack of accumulated knowledge, because, as the man once said, it don’t take a weatherman to know which way the wind blow.
Anyway, old Luke said, as he sat down next to me, “Hey man, what you thinking?”
And so I replied, “Nothing new or unusual. You know, just the kind of thinking you do when you’re drinking.”
To which Luke replied, “Are you thinking about rabbits?”
And that’s when I said, “Dammit. Luke, could you have come any farther out of left field? I mean, I never know what to expect from your stoner mind.”
“Hey man, no need to be unkind,” Luke replied. “It’s just that I ain’t got no job and I’m getting kind of hungry, and I’ve got me a gun and I ain’t got no money. And I been seeing all these rabbits around my apartment complex, and I been thinking, if I killed ‘em, I could probably eat ‘em, and they’d probably taste yummy.”
“Fool,” I said. “Have you ever hunted an animal in your life? You got to kill them, then you got to gut them, then you got to remove their hides with a knife. You’ll have a mess all over your apartment that you can be sure won’t smell so good. And all so you can save a couple of bucks on some food?”
“So what do you suggest? Since you’re so fucking smart. What should I do, to make sure I get some food?”
“You mean besides getting a job?”
“Yeah man, besides that. I’m tired of working and stealing ain’t where it’s at. So how do you figure I can live off the land?”
“Well first you got to own some, so you need to buy it from the man. Then you need to learn how to hunt and fish and farm, and then you get to eat all the food you want. You won’t be paying for it in dollars, but with everything else you got.”
“Damn” said Luke, his face curled up real tight. “That sounds a fucking lot like work.”
“That’s ‘cause it is, genius.”
“Man, Nate. You don’t need to be such a jerk.”
And so I apologized for my candor and tone, and then I bought old Luke a beer and a big greasy calzone, and he thanked me for my kindness and said I showed him something.
He said, “Hey Nate, I figured out how I can eat without doing nothing.”
“How’s that?” I asked, already wishing I hadn’t.
And said Luke, with much aplomb, “I think I’ll become a bum.”
“Man,” I said. “You are fucked in the head.”
And he nodded, indicating that he agreed, and then he left, to smoke some weed.
And I'd like to say there's a lesson here, but we all know that's not true. This is just another sliver of the everyday, that I've passed on to you.