Outside: Just a little card to say “I'm thinking of you”
Inside: I would tell you in person, but the restraining order puts me just out of earshot.

Outside: You don't have to be my friend on social networks
Inside: That's what unsecured Wi-Fi connections are for.

Outside: I would never refer to you as “trash”
Inside: Even though that's how I know everything about you.

Outside: Don't listen to what other people say
Inside: I “like” your Facebook status no matter what.

Outside: I see your bare legs under the dressing room door
Inside: What is that now, dress number forty-four?

Outside: Google didn't tell me much about you
Inside: But your Hotmail account should probably have a tougher password.

Outside: Don't be mad that I'm following your Twitter
Inside: Be happy I'm not following your car.

Outside: You left your back door unlocked!
Inside: Careful, there are a lot of crazies out there.

Outside: Just when it seems like the love you get is never equal to the love you give…
Inside: Surprise, I'm in your bed!

Outside: Congratulations on your new baby girl
Inside: Does this mean you'll be breast feeding in public?