International House would like to invite you to the biggest party of the year, “Da Bomb.” With six DJs, and over 600 speakers, this is an event that will not let you down.
"This party will be the real bomb, as opposed to the one my uncles built last year, which detonated only partially, and killed no one," said Shan Afriddi, who grew up in Pakistan.
"This party will be ‘Da Bomb', even more so than the one that killed my brother last year in Delhi," said Sanjay Sahil.
The event will begins at sundown, and will continue until the liver of the last DJ still mixing is unable to metabolize any more drugs.
The party will take place in the main gym, and adjoining athletic field. There will be free Gatorade, licorice and Chex Mix.
"The series of explosions that killed my family will look pretty lame in comparison to ‘Da Bomb'," said Ramdal Hamdani, who was born in Afghanistan.
"After you attend our party and get completely wasted, you'll have an idea of what it's like to be someone from I grew up," said Sinclair Nguyen, who plans to start a petrochemical firm in Vietnam, after he graduates.
"The land-mine I stepped on when I was six will look like a firecracker after ‘Da Bomb'," said Martin Barry, who moved to the U.S. from Angola in 1994.
"Unlike the bomb which my cousin strapped to his chest before getting on a bus, ‘Da Bomb' will blow everybody present away," said Mohammed Hassani, born in the West Bank.
"Even the largest of weapons in my country's arsenal could not compare to the explosive force of ‘Da Bomb,' said Sergay Mikhailov, who lived in Moscow.
"This is the real ‘Bomb', as opposed to the one which many of my country's scientists are engineers are not working to create," Said Anbar Bakhtiari, from Tehran.
"We would like to expect that, when ‘Da Bomb' occurs, it will usher in a new era of peace and mutual prosperity," Said Jeff Blauser, spokesman for the State Department. "On the other hand, the fear is that ‘Da Bomb,' with its rumbling bass and sexual lyrics, will intimidate the spectators, and cause them to take defensive measures."