Halloween Drunk Comment

"My eyes are tired from looking all over the room." — Bossman

I'm back to reviewing Halloween costumes and experiences. Since today is actual Halloween, I'll make a sequel in a day or so.

Halloween rocks. Everybody likes to play dressup. Except for that one friend of yours who just complains. Even fat girls (and lardass boys with titties) find ways to enjoy this great holiday. What's not to like? People enjoying themselves in costumes, candy, slutty chicks and copious amounts of drinking. Maybe even sexing if you're lucky.

So, on with it.

Best Example of Not Taking Your Own Advice



I worked "Pirate Night" at my bar and came as the Dread Pirate Roberts from "The Princess Bride." Most people kept asking why I was Zorro. If I just made my costume for the lowest common denominator I wouldn't need to explain anything.

KC as Dread Pirate Roberts

Always A Good One

I really like Super Mario Brothers costumes.

Ultra Nerd Shout Out Props

Monty Python and the Holy Grail costumes – complete with coconuts for horses.

My Favorite Couples Costume

Papa Smurf and Smurfette. Hopefully they don't get cancer from the body paint.

Worst Slutty Costume

I Dream Of Genie sluts. Those silk robes are not flattering. Nothing wrong with the sluts though.

Best Slutty Costume

There's just nothing wrong with being slutty.

Best Costume Or Just Fucking Douchebags?

At the restaurant where I ate before my bar shift, some Yankees fans made a huge ruckus (and there wasn't even a game on). Yelling, whistling, swearing and screaming. Were they really Yankee fans or overenthusiastic Halloween character actors? It doesn't really matter, they were fucking dickheads.

Costume I Wish I Would Have Done

Charlie Kelly

I was thinking of wearing long underwear and a black stallion t-shirt and not combing my hair so I could be Charlie Kelly from "Always Sunny."

My Favorite Costume (Thus Far)

Gunshot to the leg

Plaxico Burress. Some guy had a Giants jersey, sweatpants, pistol and a gunshot wound on his leg. I cracked up big time.

More in the series:
Halloween Headaches 1.0 (2008)
Halloween Headaches 2.0 (2009)
Halloween Headaches 2.51 (2009)
Pre-Halloween Headaches (2010)
Halloween Headaches (2010)
Halloween Headaches (2011)
Pre-Halloween Headaches (2012)
Halloween Headaches (2012)

**ENROLLMENT EXTENDED THRU JAN 23** Interested in making comedy your career? Scott Dikkers, founding editor of The Onion and #1 NYT bestselling author, created Comedy Business School to teach you exactly how to do it through 5 learning modules.