Many people say this pandemic has shown who your true friends are. Only your best friends will care enough to stay in touch. To quote a moderately liked moderate, that’s a bunch of malarky. The true measure of friendship will be how soon they want to party with you after the pandemic is over. But what if you’re not a top priority on your friends’ post-pandemic party list?

One of the most important things you can do for your mental health during this pandemic is coming to terms with the fact that your friends probably aren’t rushing to see you once this thing is over. Sure, it’s understandable that your best friend from undergrad is planning on taking that trip to Italy that she had to cancel, and it really hurt when your parents said they don’t want you to visit because they have some bingo friends to catch up with, but when you’ve started saving the phone numbers of your Grubhub drivers in case they want to have a couple of drinks and play charades, you have to change your coping strategy.

So instead of getting distraught over the fact that you’re the friend people only reach out to when they need to pack their improv show, think of reasons why you’re the last one people reach out to.

Maybe they’re not hanging out with anyone.

Habits are hard to break, and for the past forever, we’ve all been sequestered by ourselves. Don’t let the Instagram posts of friends at the bar distract you from the fact that they too are coping with a new normal (which I guess is the old normal). Even if that new normal is your best friend’s “bon voyage Italia” party that you had really hoped to attend.

You’re reaching out to the wrong people.

You know you’re not best friends with that guy you met performing in a community theater rendition of Kinky Boots, so don’t get depressed when you’re not his first social choice. The coworker you text jokes about your boss to during office Zoom calls definitely would have you in her top-three people to see post-pandemic, but things are always sketchy with coworkers. Even though you invited her to your wedding, she may still want to maintain some professional boundaries.

We all love canceling plans.

Knowing that, your friends are actually super on your level and are just expediting the process by not even inviting you. Even though they’ve blocked your number so you can’t join them even if you change your mind…

Going out is expensive.

Knowing how fiscally responsible you’re trying to be, your friends are helping you by partying without you. It’s just that you’ve been hinting how you really wanted to go to that Parks-and-Rec-themed bar when the pandemic is over. You even said you’d pay for everyone’s drinks. So, it kind of hurts to see everyone posting pictures at the bar with captions like, “Post-Pandemic Parks and Rec Party before I head out to Italy! Everyone I love is here,” and “I can’t remember what fucker told us about this place, but it’s actually amazing!”

Holy shit… Is it me?

What the hell am I doing wrong? I even offered to buy those assholes drinks! Even Todd is there? He was the worst fucking Lola I’d ever seen! He couldn’t hold a tune to save his life, but I get an erection during “Not My Father’s Son” and I’m the one that ruined Kinky Boots

Maybe I should just learn to enjoy bingo and give my mom a call…

SHARE

MORE LIKE THIS