You may have been stuck at home with your family this past year, but let’s face it: you’re more emotionally isolated than ever before. Screentime has skyrocketed, and everyone has traded the family room for a random Zoom. For all you know, your own kids might be playing violent video games, or watching pornography, or learning about slavery.
Fortunately, the summer is here, and we’ve got the perfect way to reconnect: Let’sSmith, an iron forge the whole family can enjoy.
Imagine yourself in a pioneer village in the days of yore. Sure, you may be facing death every day, but nothing gets in the way of smithing time. Whether it’s passing out chunks of ore, carrying molten iron to an ingot mold, or pounding refined metal repeatedly with heavy hammers, there’s always something cooking at the ol’ family forge.
History probably tells us that families often did forge-work together. Can’t you see it now? Father trundling home from the mines with a cart full of metal chunks, Mother prepping the blast furnace and transforming the iron into slag. As few as ten children watching gleefully as it’s melted into an explosively hot river of liquid death. That’s more than an American dream: it’s the dream of the entire human race. Instead of a soul-destroying TV, you could be gathered around a smoking anvil, smashing metal into shape and having fun while doing it!
What’s more, a sturdy, dependable iron forge is an investment in your family’s future. Send your kids to their first job interview in durable armor with a durable shield that can withstand the most probing of employer questions, and also spears. Outfit your SUV with steel plating and be the envy of your entire cul-de-sac. Eliminate those trips to Home Depot by making your own household items, like hinges, nails, and tooth fillings.*
Learning to smith is good for you mentally, as well. For example, learning a new language develops brain cells, so your family could use time around the forge to immerse yourselves in the fun world of blacksmith slang. Instead of “going turnt” or “getting fleeky with it”, your impressionable teens could be talking about “swaging their pig iron” or “filling their hardy holes.” They might even start a trend! You could also remind your kids that blacksmithing was the original heavy metal, then continue to repeat that joke so many times it stops being a joke and becomes an inescapable fact of life.
If you’re like us, you miss the closeness and completely jacked forearms of traditional family life. There’s no place for wholesome family values anymore: the media is filled with too many bad words and bedroom eyes. Let’sSmith brings fun and positivity back to your home, as well as a reason to throw metal implements into raging flames every night until Grandma looks like Ragnar from Vikings.
Watch that iron poker burn bright orange. See it in your mind, glowing like the eye of a hungry nocturnal beast. The flame is always hungry, and the world itself is its food. Say it over and over in your sleep: the fire must not go out. The fire must never die.
To celebrate Hot Forge Summer, Let’sSmith is offering a brand new package deal: sign up today, and you’ll get both the Let’sSmith starter kit and a timeshare of the Rio Tinto iron ore deposits in Pilbara, Australia.
This can be your year to make a bold new change for your family. This summer, don’t just beat the heat: strike it repeatedly until you bend it to your will. With hammers.
*Let’sSmith does not take responsibility for any adverse effects associated with applying its products for medical use.