Hey, the grocery store didn’t have some of the things on our list, so I had to make some substitutions. I know, I’m bummed, too.

I know we usually just get plain potato chips, or, if we’re feeling adventurous, sour cream and onion, but they were all out of both, so I grabbed these ones instead. Neither of us like wasabi, but these are wasabi with cinnamon and pineapple, so I have a feeling the other two flavors will overpower the wasabi.

I was hoping to make cheeseburgers tonight, but they were all out of ground beef. I had to buy the closest thing, so we’re going to try lamp patties tonight. No, I thought the package said “lamb” too, when I bought it, but when I looked closer, I saw it says “lamp.” I don’t know what they’re going to taste like, but it made the car smell really good on the drive home. And a bunch of stray dogs just chased me through the driveway.

They didn’t have the buns we like either, so I got these ones. I guess technically they’re not bread. I had to get them from the medicine aisle. Yeah, the clerk told me that they’re supposed to be that color. No, I don’t know the name of that color.

And I had so much trouble looking for the peanut butter. Not only were they out of peanut butter, they didn’t have any almond butter or sunflower butter either. All they had was this. Yeah, I don’t know what orange butter is supposed to taste like. But it looks really good.

Oh, that reminds me. They were out of orange juice, so I grabbed this peanut butter juice.

I know you wanted apples, but all they had were these fruits. I’m not sure how to pronounce the name, but they were all pulsing like that in the store. The guy at the store said this was the last shipment, since the country they import them from sank, so he doesn’t know if they’ll be getting any more in.

Don’t worry. I grabbed some more snacks, too. And good news! They had chocolate chip cookies! Well, not plain chocolate chip cookies. I could only find these ones. They’re chocolate chip with raisin, almonds, and mayonnaise. I know you’re allergic to almonds, but the guy at the store explained that they’re not real almonds, they’re substitution almonds. They’re the kind that they use in movies and TV shows when actors with nut allergies are supposed to eat nuts. He said you can barely tell the difference.

I got some soda, too. No, they didn’t have Pepsi, so I grabbed some “Pizz Cola.” I used to drink this stuff all the time when I was a kid. No, I have not seen it since 1992.

I wanted to grab my nephew a surprise for his birthday tomorrow. He really likes M&Ms, but all they had were these. Yeah, I don’t know what letter that’s supposed to be printed on them. Careful! Don’t try to read them out loud! When I did it in the store, the lights got really low and the whole place got really foggy.

He also likes animal crackers, so I grabbed a box of those, too. I didn’t recognize any of the animals either. That one does look like it has two heads, I guess. I didn’t really look close. I like how they’re not in cages anymore on the package. Although I’m not sure why all the humans are in cages now.

I looked for the toilet paper we wanted too, but this one looks just as good. Although it did scratch up the seats a little when I put them in the car. So just be careful picking them up.

We’re also out of hand soap, so I grabbed this one. Yeah, I’ve never tried it before. I’m not sure what the scent is, but the cashier did have to card me for it.

Alright. I think that’s everything. I should head out. I still have a few errands to run. I’m going to go drop the car off at the garage. They said they had a loner I could use. Then I’m going to swing by the vet and grab Crunchy’s pills. And then I need to go pick up that gift we ordered for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I’m sure these will all go fine.