Due to time constraints, I have had to combine two writing assignments. The following pieces titled ‘The Clitoris: Nub of Joy!’ for Healthy Lady Magazine and ‘The Ford F-150: Trucks Rule!’ for Automotive Life will now be one piece. Thank you for understanding.

The Description

The clitoris is a female sex organ present in mammals and ostriches. Its only function is to provide pleasure to women, hyenas, and flightless birds. The Ford F-150 is a pick-up truck that gives you the ability to haul what you need for work or play. The Ford F-150 makes tough tasks look easy.

The clitoris, on the other hand, can sometimes be a bit of mystery, thereby turning a pleasurable act into an annoying, frustrating game of Twister meets Red-light/Green-light.

The Promise

Buy or lease an eligible Ford vehicle through Ford credit. You can return it within the year if you face financial hardship. Financial hardship should never come into play where the clitoris is concerned. In fact, during tough times, the clitoris, with 8,000 nerve endings, can be a nice distraction from life’s more unpleasant realities like homelessness or poverty.

It’s All About the Numbers

50 to 75% of women who have climaxes need to have clitoral stimulation. On the Ford side of things, 38% of truck owners would pick their trucks over sex if given a choice. Coincidentally, 97% of male truck owners surveyed didn’t know what the clitoris was and had little interest in learning. However, 100% of female truck owners knew precisely what the clitoris was, where it was located, and could draw a picture if necessary.


There are many fun nicknames for the clitoris: Rosebud, Joy Buzzer, Cherry Pit, and Chick Pea. There are also countless nicknames for the Ford F-150: The Judge, Iron Man, Big Texan, and Bruiser, to name just a few. Surprisingly, 4 nicknames may be applied to both: Bullseye, Thing 1, Get-r-done, and Grinder.

Key Features

The Ford F-150 comes with a V-6 engine, a two-bar-style black grille, and a rearview camera with dynamic hitch assist. This feature will help you direct your hitch ball to the trailer receiver. The clitoris comes with a clitoral head, two hours at a bar are usually required to gain access, and a rear camera view is something no woman wants. Although, a dynamic hitch assist would be appreciated to direct balls if that’s your thing.

Power and Handling

The Ford F-150 has an electronic 6-speed transmission, auto stop-start technology, a 23-gallon fuel tank, and a jack. The clitoris’s power comes from its ability to produce between 3-16 orgasms that can last between 10-30 seconds. But it should also be stated that a clitoris never turns down a good jack.


The Ford F-150XL starts at $28,745, with an APR of 0% for 36 months. The clitoris has no price point per se, but if you have trouble locating it on your girlfriend, you will indeed pay a high price.

In Conclusion

Both the clitoris and the Ford F-150 can vary in shape and size. The pair both have treasures that are hidden, and some that stick out. One likes to be touched softly, and one prefers 470 pounds of gas torque. It takes time to know your Ford F-150 and your clitoris. The former has an aluminum, military-grade, alloy body; while the latter starts out as a penis but takes a hard left and hops on the clitoral express. Spider monkeys have large clitorises, just like Ford F-150’s cargo bed. That is to say, the cargo bed is large, not that the cargo bed has a clitoris; that would be odd, yet strangely erotic and fun to drive. Manual air conditioning comes standard on the Ford F-150, yet optional on the clitoris (this all depends on your gal, and her desire to fan you). Finally, the clitoris can grow throughout a woman’s lifetime, just like the Ford F-150’s extended warranty.

Irene is a freelance writer who lives in Los Angeles and is obviously quite pressed for time. She has zero time to pursue hobbies and has clearly taken on one too many assignments. If you see her on the street and she’s crying, no one has died, it’s just stress.