As someone who is perpetually high, I get asked a lot why I prefer using a vaporizer as opposed to say, a joint or a bowl.

Translation: I'm high as fuck all the time, and people want to know why I vape instead of packing a bowl or rolling a j.

In this article I will give you a list of reasons why vaporizers are not only more practical, but also healthier for you.

Translation: Keep reading (I know, it sucks) to find out why you should use the money you got from working at the comic book store to buy a vaporizer.

The first and most notable benefit is the lack of smoke. Because it burns at a lower temperature, rather than smoke, you get a thin mist of vapor, whereas with a joint or a bong, the temperature is much higher and creates carcinogens. A lot of people don't realize that smoke is the cause of many respiratory disorders and in some cases, lung cancer.

Translation: Do you want cancer? No, right? You should get an herbal vaporizer that is manufactured for those who want to quit smoking, bro. Because at this point your lungs probably look like starving fruit bats dangling from your trachea.

Woman inhaling weed smoke from Volcano bag
“Look, I have a lot on my plate right now. I just need to relax.”

Another great thing about vaporizers is that they don't create an odor. Have you ever gone to a frequent smoker's house? It always reeks of whatever it is they're smoking. Over enough time, the walls of their home even start to turn yellow. Again, because there is no smoke, this is not a problem.

Translation: Sick of your parents getting on your ass all the time about your room smelling like pot? Worried about the cops pulling you over because the inside of your car smells like Snoop Dogg's rec room? Well, those days are over my friend! Vaporizers don't make smoke, so there's no scent! Now the only thing you have to worry about is your eyes looking like the Target logo.

Lastly, and most importantly, you're going to save a lot of money from not needing to smoke as much to get high. See, when you set fire to marijuana, it might feel great, but you're actually selling yourself short. Because a typical joint burns at around 2,000°F, many of the cannabinoids and trichomes that get you high combust and burn away before they ever reach your lungs. Because vaporizers burn at a lower temperature, this does not occur. Thus, you get much higher in a shorter period of time.

Translation: Let's not kid ourselves, you're probably broke or close to it. Vaporizers get you way higher bro, and that will save you money. Think of it like a steak… would you rather eat a one that someone cooked with a blow torch, or one that has been slow-cooked on a grill? The same concept applies to your sticky green. Cook it lower to get higher. Remember that, and you can't go wrong. Now move out of your parent's house, you human tumor.

There are many different types of vaporizers, from small, easily concealable portable ones, to giant volcanoes that fill up a plastic bag, like sticking a trash bag over a chimney. Do your research, and find out which one is right for you. Remember, don't just smoke, smoke smartly and responsibly.

Translation: Use your dad's computer to check out all the different vaporizers out there. Don't forget to clear the browser history afterwards. Who am I kidding? You already forgot. Good luck, bro.