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Our new, improved algorithm now reports that you are: 99.9% not of the human genome <1% Pacific Islander
I murdered your wife, and you got pretty mad at me for doing that. We’ll call that one a tie. We’re both people!
Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, I swear to God that, with ZERO hesitation, I will absolutely let you do that.
I tell stories of humanity. Some about a guy getting drunk in the woods. Others about two guys getting drunk in the woods.
The Desert Escape: Run into the desert. There, you’ll meet a snake. Name the snake. Name him Benjamin. Benjamin will bite you, but don’t cry out.
Goodbye to cooling off with a quick dip, wading too far out, getting swept to sea, and awaking on a pirate ship Bone Rattler.
Now I’m halfway to the table, and this bowl is burning my fucking hands off.
Setting up this stand in my backyard all those days ago, I never imagined the places we would go; we are now in the front yard.
Over our long history, we’ve made countless non-changes to our product, from refusing to add any flavor to churning out the same muddy texture.
Last I checked, relaxing in swamps was not against the HOA bylaws.
Why does Pac-Man have to eat us? We’re starting to doubt the “we’re a family” ethos he’s always mentioning while he races after us, lips flapping.
Created over a career spanning the past four decades, but really only the past four years after she came back from that trip to Sedona.