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Are you watching The History Channel right now? Something tells me you've been whisked away to the tragic world of driving a truck in Alaska, or following rednecks trying to catch alligators.
So you've convinced a young lady to come back to your place. She's a pretty cool chick, but not THAT cool. The question is, how do you keep sleeping with her, without her sleeping over?
Dating a superwoman is often a recipe for disaster. For every bout of mind-blowing-ultra-cosmic-mega-mega-uber-freaky-crazy-ultrasonic sex, there are numerous pitfalls.
A great man once said, "A man is only as poor as his character." And when I say that was a great man, I'm lying. When it comes to personal finances, inspirational quotes are only worth 98 cents.
How many times has this happened to you? A woman eyes you seductively, drinking a glass of milk while purposely letting some spill down her neck and onto her breasts. Never? Read on.
The mall and popular stores like Walmart aren't always bad, but whenever Black Friday rolls around, they somehow transform into a scene from Braveheart.
There is one man who has made it so that Jerry Sandusky is all but guaranteed to go to jail. That man is Michael Jackson. Sorry, Sandusky, you're just not famous and loved enough to get away with it.
With blacks and gays on the verge of becoming free and clear of prejudice, that leaves us with one burning question: Who do we pick on next, midgets, mongoloids, invalids, or people with cancer?
Until moving to San Francisco, I had spent nearly my entire life in Indiana. Hours after arriving, I went to the place that exemplifies the extremes of SF like nowhere else: Upper Haight Street.
There are three different kinds of reactions I get when telling people about my "condition": the asshole response, the smartass response, and the overly helpful propoganda.
If anyone found out these unspeakable acts were premeditated, the tolerance for them would be worn thinner than the nearly tangible membrane between good and evil.
As the literal "fat cats" of the world, Americans consume more calories per person than any other nation in the world. And it's time we accept this love affair with shitty food.