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At 30, single, tired of the vapidity of most day-to-day women, being an intellectual who smokes pipes, I reluctantly accepted a friend’s suggestion to try speed-dating.
I don’t consider myself the type of guy who sends a picture of his dick to a girl, but somehow my friend Danny convinced me otherwise. I should've thought more first.
This year we grab our white sheets and harass Whoopi Goldberg to be our ethereal go-between as we polish our (crystal) balls and tackle the top 5 sexiest male ghosts.
Feel free to apply this simple questionnaire to your own relationship—unless of course you're already married and aren't in the mood for bad news.
Judging by all the brutal TV logic, it's surprising that the 90's generation grew up to be 90% stupids, instead of skin-suit-wearing maniacs.
Sure you might be think that like DJ Khaled, all you do is win, win, win no matter what, but you have you ever considered the butterfly effect of all your victories?
I was sitting in the waiting room playing Angry Birds on my phone to distract myself, thinking back on how all of this had started: simple goodbye sex.
I am horrified of a hidden red sock turning all my white stuff pink. The chemistry behind what causes this to happen completely eludes me, and that is scary.
Dear Sir, my mom made me contact you regarding the position of Costumer Service Rep because she's tired of seeing me play video games in my underwear.
I can perform brain surgery in the dark, and I found the Higgs boson particle with an accelerator I constructed in my backyard out of tin foil and duct tape.
Poetry is the lazy writer's way to express oneself. No wonder it's the perfect starter kit to get you laid! Prepare to be lauded as a genius, both in and out of bed.
I don't know an awl from a chisel and don't want to. But I do know one thing for certain and I'll declare it before the God of our Fathers: JESUS IS NO CARPENTER!