I don't consider myself the type of guy who sends a picture of his dick to a girl, but somehow my friend Danny convinced me otherwise. Dan said he sent one to a girl he liked and she was all over him the next time they hung out. He told me, "Girls just need to see what they're getting into. Or what's getting into them I guess. They don't like to be surprised with a weird-looking dick. As long as yours isn't weird-looking, you're in the clear."

I thought quite a while about whether to send one or not. For one, I wasn't sure if my dick was normal-looking or not. The only other dicks I've seen are in pornos and that one time in the YMCA locker room when I was little. But eventually I overcame those fears and insecurities and texted a picture of my dick to a girl from my biology class.

Here are some things I wish I had thought of before I sent the picture:

  1. The camera on my phone has terrible picture quality. I used it to take a picture of a building once and it looked like a box of cereal afterwards.
  2. Use good lighting. Don't take a dick pic with the lights off. That's not going to make it look any bigger.
  3. Do it at home and not in some janitor's closet at school.
  4. Don't write any captions for it in the text. Just send the picture without making any stupid "sexy" comments. Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words.
  5. Make sure the person you're sending it to has your number.

Unfortunately, I didn't think about any of those things. I sent it to a girl named Daisy, who didn't have my number. And the message under it said, "I'm going to explode all over you." She got the message around lunchtime. But the picture lighting and quality was so bad she couldn't tell what it was. Well, apparently she thought she knew what it was: a bomb. That was going to explode all over her.

So she did what any sane person would do, and notified the police immediately. That is the reason why I am held up in this police cell currently. They traced the picture back to me and soon they're going to come in here and question me.

Which brings me to the decision I have to make: Do I tell them it was a picture of my dick and face being humiliated in front of my entire school (and most likely the entire nation by the time this story goes viral)? Or do I go to jail for a really long time?

High school is tough.

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