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After about half an hour on hold, the host of the radio show finally came through and asked me: "What's your beef with Philadelphia sports?" Cole Hamels of course.
My erect penis and I walked to my dorm and mounted the steps of some side entrance. A gaped-mouth sophomore's pupils grew wide at the site of my dong. I had arrived.
People have found so many things to cry about that one can only wonder: what happened to our backbones? Americans used to be tough, now we're straight jelly.
OCD is no laughing matter. Your face, however, is a different story. In fact, you should probably get that checked out before you seek therapy for your OCD.
Think about it, why not put your cat in the microwave? Last I heard (and contrary to what our "president" seems to think), this is still a free country. Just do it.
"If I see another visitor pretending to have sex with the wax Beyoncé I am going to quit. I think we should put bags over the wax celebrities' heads."
Kanye West, who has never read Harry Potter, seen the movies, or known the general plot of the series, has declared that Harry Potter might not be real. Agreed, I guess.
Welcome, everyone, to the North Jersey Chapter of Assholes Anonymous. Before we begin, please take this opportunity to make sure your cellphones are ON.
Thirty years after the deluge of college advice to "network network network," I conclude that networking is overrated, intractable, and something to be avoided.
Following my male cat's attempt to have sex with his sister, I realized that the real problem is endemic to the culture of rape in which he, and all cats, live.
Any knuckle-headed crook worth his weight in salt knows better than to fall for the classic good cop/bad cop routine. That's when I come in: tired, horny cop.
The majority of scientists are deeply corrupted by their associations with for-profit institutions. I, on the other hand, have three important independent findings to share.