“We need to beef up security. I think we all know too many visitors are taking pictures of themselves pretending to have sex with the wax statues.”

“I'm on the security staff and I'm sick of telling guests not to take silly pictures where it looks like they're having sex with the wax statues. We should make guests sign something before they come in that says they won't pretend to have sex with anything.”

“I think we should ban cameras and phones. Maybe less people will pretend to have sex with the famous wax people if they can't take a funny picture of it?”

“If I see another visitor pretending to have sex with the wax Beyoncé I am going to quit. I think we should put bags over the wax celebrities' heads. If our visitors can't tell if the wax celebrity is attractive or not then they might be disinclined to have sex with it.”

“We need to position these wax statues in a way such that there is no possible way for the visitors to pretend to have sex with them. Maybe put all the wax statues in the fetal position? Can't think of any way someone could sexualize that.”

“For Christ's sake can we please just put all the wax statues behind glass and put an end to this pretending-to-fuck-the-statue shit once and for all?”

“We NEED to make the wax statues harder to move. A visitor today made it look like the wax Obama was 69'ing the wax Ferris Bueller for a photo. How many times do I need to put ‘Bolt the statues to the floor' in the suggestion box before we bolt the statues to the fucking floor?”

“What if all the wax statues were wearing t-shirts that said, ‘The person having sex with me is a murderer?' Then maybe people wouldn't want to take pictures of themselves having sex with the statues? I'm grasping at straws here but we need to think of something.”

“Maybe we should put the wax statues way up on big pillars, so no one can pretend to have sex with them? The pillars would have to be really hard to climb though, otherwise the visitors will get up there. These people really want funny photos of them having sex with the statues.”

“What if our visitors could pay a small fee to be professionally photographed in a sex position with the wax statues? Could be a good way to monetize the problem and profit off our visitors' desire to have a picture taken where they're pretending to have sex with a wax representation of a famous actor or film character.”

“Just want to say I love working here at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. Today I saw a guy take a picture of himself pretending to blow the wax Thor. Hilarious. No suggestions.”

“Would it be crazy to electrify the statues? Good luck having sex with that.”

“What if instead of putting the whole wax statue on display, we disassembled every statue and displayed each individual body part separately? Then it would be harder to fake-have-sex-with them… Or would it not?”

“Security person here. Sometimes when I'm watching the museum at night I get scared the statues are going to come alive and try to get me. I know this isn't a suggestion. It feels good to get this off my chest.”

“I bet if all the wax statues' skin was translucent and you could see their guts and stuff the visitors would be too grossed out to pretend to have sex with them. This is Eric from the front desk and I would like to request a 10% pay raise.”

What if we only did wax statues of child celebrities? Surely no one would take sexy pictures with them then? You know what? Nevermind.”

“I'm the night security guard. Last week I put in the box that I fear for my life working at the wax museum and you've done nothing to make my working conditions safer. Why do you ignore my cries? Last night I swear I saw the wax Xena the Warrior Princess move. I think she intends to harm me. I think she's mad because one night I took a funny picture of me in a sex position with her.”