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I love you, mom. But as I comb through CVS's cards, I wonder: Are you worth the $7 I'm forking out for glitter, cheap puns, and a 12-second clip of "La Bamba"?
At The Wachowski Home, we believe that each of our orphans is generic and unremarkable in their own unoriginal way. Join us for basic living standards and practical preparation.
It's really not fair to disturb the family of your enemy during their grieving process. Be patient and give it a week post-burial before you dance up a storm on the fresh mound.
Superlatives for Michael Richard "Mike" Pence: "Most Highlighted Bible," "Most Likely to Stay on This Side of History," and "Best Hair."
Leading a balanced life is difficult. But with a little bit of hope, patience, understanding, and a simple reading of this article, I can help you achieve it!
Usually Anthony Scaramucci likes to be called "Mr. Scaramucci," "CEO Scaramucci," or "The Dark Lord of Business." But he'll also answer to "Tony Scrambled Eggs."
For all you thrill-seekers planning your next naughty weekend in the Sunshine State, here's our definitive visitor's guide to the sexiest airport departure lounges in Florida.
The cover of the book you gave us features a woman's face crying in the sky. Great men, even in the 1920's, probably aren't sexist enough to make women cry.
Jared can come to the gym if he's supervised by an adult, but otherwise, all that big, heavy machinery makes it too scary of a place for a fella like Jared.
Every day I put off cutting my nail only means that when I inevitably do, the annihilation of whole universes will be that much more substantial.
I know this decision has alienated a lot of people. And I'm sorry I shattered Bethany's clay pot on the floor while calling her "talentless swine" the other week.
Interesting people make for the best comedy writing hooks, so you need a steady influx of new faces, characters and setups. That's why you get a day job to be a better writer.