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The barbwire tattoo around this douchebag's arm essentially screamed, "None of my shirts have sleeves and I punch walls when I get insecure about my small penis!"
The new TV season means tons of great entertainment to distract you from that nagging voice in your head that keeps begging you to END IT ALREADY.
Hey Dad, I just want to reassure you: I'm not worried about the future. Not even the tiniest amount. Because I'm going to inherit billions of dollars.
Fall officially starts on September 21st, but why should that stop you from breaking out all your cute fall clothing? Oh yeah, you're burning up.
Are you the reckless, arrogant threat to public safety we're looking for? If so, the Sheriff's Office of Addison County, Vermont wants to hear from you!
Mike Pence, best vice president, maybe ever. Problem though: he's a nutcase. Totally unhinged. And I'm the only one preventing that freak from taking power.
It's impossible to monitor your child 24/7, nor should you. But you should remain vigilant to certain signs so this epidemic doesn't affect your family's welfare.
A new problem is on the rise in this techie world of ours: lifeguards texting at public pools. Get the hell off your phone and back to your minimum wage toil!
Why is it that hanging out with your childhood best friend now feels like small-talking with the lady at the supermarket who complains about her allergies?
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.
So you're way too drunk in Philly, huh? That second 40-ounce is coming back up as a sacrifice to the porcelain gods? Head to one of these Crown Fried Chickens.
Go citizen voyeur incognito mode on our president's Google search history. Inhale, breathe, ponder deeply, wonder, pass out.