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Dear Future Pulitzer Winner: Out of our hundreds of submissions, not a single one has the cachet to pull our magazine out of the pit of tedium.
Trust is more than just a word to us—it's a word we now use twice in our name. See how trustworthy we are?
As you level up, possible life paths include True Crime Podcasting and Stay-At-Home Child.
Now, there was another creature I longed to ride, ____________ [normal man’s name except all vowels replaced with Ys].
Look, I know I’ve made mistakes in the past. The kicking. The jabbing. The grabbing. I was a real loose cannon there for a while.
I’ll cut to the chase-Please stop running blackjack tables out of the CubeSmart.
I'll never forget how safe you made me feel, the way you blocked the SGLT2 found in the proximal tubules of nephrotic components in my kidneys.
Say… you there, clinging to the railing for dear life: would you like to hear some facts about jazz?
Every one of His punchlines, every expression He makes to elicit a laugh must be met with an unequivocal, unmistakable outburst. Or else.
We found out that for a whole six months of junior year you got really, really into Doctor Who and Sherlock. Like, fanfiction level.
I end every email with “cheers.” My keys are on a carabiner attached to my belt. I call Easter “Zombie Jesus day.”
Feelings of guilt and shame will give you the boost you need to keep on crunching. Your core will thank you!