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God gave the Israelites corn and said, “Take this. And eat it only off the cob, with little tiny things called corn holders."
Lemon Water (8:25 AM): This is lemon water do you copy?! We have reached the epicenter of your gut.
If I host, the "In Memorium" segment could do away with the typical photos and video clips, and summon the deceased spirits on stage.
"Learn The Job Beef Chili" -- I only make this dish when I’m trying to displease people on both sides.
10:00 AM --- Drink a latte and brainstorm ways to mix up this week’s photoshoots. Order some motor oil in bulk, in case hair gel “isn’t weird enough.”
Many have told me that there would not be a problem in the first place if I would just get out of the way. Unfortunately, that isn't how I see it.
They just don’t seem to realize that, in a prank-war, these things just happen. It's no one’s fault, and nothing anyone should get in trouble for.
Wetland restoration is about creating a clean, oxygen-rich pit so that a seven-headed behemoth might emerge from its depths and enslave us all.
None of my fellow parishioners have invited me to partake in a communal sexual ritual to awaken the dead, or place a hex on targeted politicians.
“My heart hasn’t really been into scaring him lately, he’s such a good kid, and I was getting pretty bored down there. So I bought the phone."
Unfortunately, as you know, I want to rub my penis on everything in sight. I'm like 85% of men in show business: I'm a monster.
You're probably wondering, what sort of management skills does this guy have to run Tesla? Rest assured, I'm just like you: all over the place.