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"I dropped my Heavy Sleeper XXL Weighted Blanket on my foot & broke several bones." How wonderfully whimsical! We are not responsible for any damage.
We prevailed! We, whose skins are sensitive to the winds that whip through the lobby when goddamn Liam doesn’t shut the door—marched into battle.
There can be a hundred people in a hundred different rooms and none of them believe in you. Sometimes things just work out like that.
The Bride of Frankenstein and I actually had a lot in common. Like her, my fiercest critics have also called me an affront to God.
Did I mention my mom only gave me a hundred bucks in spending cash? She might as well have handed me Monopoly money. That’s just bad planning.
I’ll be honest, we’re not going to give you back your shoes.
And I don't want to keep harping on the past, but there were a few times when you couldn’t even finish the race. It's embarrassing.
My word. Two penguin stickers here on your side. One surfing. One playing in the sand on the beach. Tells quite a story doesn’t it?
I really can't tell anybody this part but I doubt I will ever feel a pride as strong as when I watched Minion explode in front of Mr. Grimm's bike.
One time I told him I heard a rumor that there was a dead body in the woods and invited him on a hike to see if it was true.
He just pretended to make a phone call where he was trying to return a Blockbuster VHS, for twenty minutes. My girlfriend was laughing so hard.
If you're at a loss for words upon finding the body of your waiter, Miguel, hanging from a meat hook, try to avoid asking obvious questions.