Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
March 5, 1795: He needs to lose the wig. Convinced every wig emporium to say they're out of his size. Remind intern to burn Ludwig's wig closet.
In a corner with a martini covering 75% of my face, I can weave an intricate tapestry of all the backroom drama unfolding behind closed doors.
Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.
Bernie Sanders: Call me whatever name you want. At the end of the day, I am the only sailor who has the guts to fight for real change on this ship.
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
Maybe you’ve returned to your normal life and are back at work, arriving to a ghost town at 10 AM, taking a two-hour lunch, and leaving by 3 PM.
This is a wily attempt to mock us, isn’t it? You’re clearly fit, gorgeous even. You did it! Congratulations, but that’s it. Why are you still here?
That means no phthalates, no parabens, no cruelty, and absolutely zero connection to any missing anti-tank rifles you may have read about.
I've informed the top girls in junior high and below that you can speak for me in all but the most sensitive matters. Welcome to the big show, ladies
At first, I was frightened of you, unsure of your intentions, and your driving style did nothing to calm me.
I have lived my entire adult life as if I were born in 1813 England as a gentlemanly Port Warden. And yet my uncle is the one called “old-fashioned.”
I apologize, she giggles and our shared weakness for Snickerdoodles suggests we will fall madly in love by Christmas. Her name is Lacey Sherbert.