Daily funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. Best of Year | Editors' Picks | People's Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
That’s a “you” problem. We’re just here to box you in, we’re not here to tell you how to uphold your civic duty to not harm others.
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!
“Young ladies and gentlemen, meet Finnius Fletcherbottom, head professor of our newest department, necessary this year, Wizarding IT!”
I wish to cleanse myself of the guilt for defying both you and my lovely wife by dusting off the ol’ blades and gracefully gliding down the street.
And then it hit me: if Jessica is begging for my wisdom, there must be dozens of other hot girl writers who are crying out for my help, too.
The above ground pool with leaves in it is a well-known suburban standard in which a sad kid’s eyes can get wistfully lost.
My cat was born in hell. She exists solely to antagonize me and if anything ever happened to her I would kill everyone and then kill myself.
I reached my biblical allotment of three score and ten. I am, as St. Paul wrote in his second letter to the Corinthians, “playing with house money.”
Thank goodness I’m still booking kindergarten graduations and Mormon cosplay through Cameo.
Some boats are still offering rides, but this is a scam. They don’t want money, they want to flip you into the water so they can laugh at you.
Geology "Is that the one with all the countries," one would ask oneself, mistakenly. To avoid confusion, Geology should be called "Rocks."
I have never taken contracts from the Department of Defense, the CIA, FEMA, or Burkina Faso. Our biggest buyer last year was Betty Hansen.