"Seth, who cares if your Charizard is a first edition? From dust we came and to dust we will return. Mr. Herzog says that in six billion years the sun's core will implode and the Earth will be consumed by the ensuing explosion. What I'm saying is that you can have my holographic Gyrados."

"Jared, thanks for the Gyrados. Remember when we spent all our money on Jelly Bellys just to feel something? Have an existential summer."

"Susan, music class with you was fun, and Soylent Green is people."

"Charleton, SPOILER ALERT! I wrote the lunch letter from your mom every day."

"Maria, it was a lot of fun watching your diary mature this year. I felt like I was there as your parents' marriage fell apart. I'd like to know more about you next year though. Anyways, keep it up! H.A.G.S."
-Secret Admirer

"Samantha, you are as stoically beautiful as Queen Victoria when she heard about the Earl of Cardigan's ill-fated cavalry charge at Balaclava."

Middle school yearbook photo of nerdy boy

"Janice, you are my best friend! I couldn't have gotten through this year without you. You are God's greatest gift!"

"Samantha, Greg here again. In case that earlier comment was too subtle, you ARE Proust's ‘Remembrance of Things Past'—in Italian. Get it?"

"Nigel, atheism is growing too mainstream. Let us consider believing in the divine over the summer."

"Mrs. Savorigno, if you could tell my new teacher to assign more homework next year so I am constantly busy and never have a moment to contemplate the futility of it all that would be quaint."

"Mrs. Wilson – Why did you give me a failing grade? You told us to write about a perfect world. My world was one where writing did not exist and people talked solely through hand-signals. Sorry for the confusion."

"Samantha, Greg here again. I am NOT obsessed with you. I. Am. Not. Obsessed. With. You. Dependent or addicted is more accurate. Please don't make me follow you to another school.
-You Know Who

"Now that you're off the soccer team I guess I'll tell you why everyone was always laughing: the shin guards go UNDER the socks and while there technically isn't a rule against it, there is a silent understanding that javelins aren't allowed."
-Your Only Friend

"Timmy, good times in chess club. We are all pawns in capitalism. Socialism is our Sicilian Defense!!"

"Stephanie told me that Jeremy's mom heard from Stephanie's dad who heard from Michelle's mother that Michelle is terribly sick with— oh the bell is ringing, I'll tell you in the fall."