LARGE ISLAND for sale in North Atlantic includes thousands of miles of picturesque coastline with unobstructed views of everything from polar bears to rapidly melting glaciers. Over two million square kilometers of sparsely populated land makes for an ideal getaway for those times when you really want to be alone. It’s an ideal location for those speaking Danish or Greenlandic. Only serious inquiries will be considered. Although home to an American airbase, the vendor does not wish to consider any offers from potential American purchasers especially those with Germanic-sounding surnames. Send serious offers only to Box NO-TRUMP 2020.

LARGE WHITE HOUSE centrally located in Washington, D. C. available for lease in January of 2021. Cozy quarters include 132 rooms, 35 bathrooms, and 28 fireplaces. Currently occupied by a tenant with questionable claim to leasehold status due to a three million vote deficit in 2016. Interested candidates are urged to apply now since this is a highly desirable property and there will be stiff competition for tenancy. Lease is for four years with a possible renewal for an additional four years. Potential tenants should take note that there may be some delay in evicting the current tenant who has shown a marked tendency to ignore laws and regulations. Interested Democrats should contact the DNC at 430 South Capitol St.

QUAINT FIXER UPPER located just off the coast of Western Europe. Once considered prime real estate, this  British island has recently fallen on hard times. Inexplicably, this property chose to sever itself from the larger property known as the European Union thereby significantly lowering its property value and its chances for future growth. Although it will undoubtedly take a lot of sweat equity to turn this property into a money-making venture, it shows considerable continuing promise as a prime tourist destination given its wealth of aging buildings, parks and monarchy. Reply to BREXIT Box 1066.

PRIVATE CARIBBEAN ISLAND available as part of recent distress sale. Formerly used as a large-scale luxurious massage and entertainment complex, Little Saint James unexpectedly became available as part of a recent estate transaction. The on-island residence comes completely furnished including massage tables for you and your celebrity friends. Listing price is $10 million and only serious offers will be entertained. Prospective purchasers should note that immediate occupancy is unlikely at least while FBI and other police officials continue their investigations. Contact 1953 Trust.

COMING IN 2017 2018 2019 SOON: Border wall condominiums. Two and three-bedroom adjoining concrete townhomes comprise a secure structure to help keep out illegal immigrants along America’s southern boundary. Priced well below market value since the developer promises Mexico is paying for the wall. Construction has consistently been slated to begin next year. Prospective purchasers should text MAGAPROMISES for more information.

AMERICAN EMPIRE about to be broken up into individual assets in view of recent national bankruptcy. It’s a giant liquidation sale and no reasonable offer will be refused. The owner’s debts far outstripped its revenues thereby necessitating a going-out-of-business sale. Everything must go including parks, national monuments, and all fifty states. Serious buyers are asked to submit their bids by the end of the fiscal year in order to hopefully finally balance the books. Please note that many of the properties up for sale may be subject to liens by current bondholders such as China. Interested buyers should call 1-800-ADIOSUS.