Let me make something clear upfront: I really do trust my boyfriend.

Seriously! We’ve been together for a long time, and I have full confidence in his fidelity. That being said, let me also make something else crystal clear: I would trust him more if I had all of his passwords.

I know there are different philosophies regarding what's appropriate in a relationship. Some people—like my boyfriend—think that if you really trust your partner, you shouldn't need access to their texts, Instagram DMs, and Blue Cross Blue Shield health portal. And to his credit, I don’t need any of those things! I just really, really, really, really, really want them.

​It's not that I think he's sneaking around—obviously I don't think that, which is why I've not required that he tell me his email or phone password (yet). But even if I did think that, I wouldn't be so demanding! I would just passive-aggressively drop hints that, while I do trust he is committed, I would feel more positive about our relationship if I were able to verify his commitment on a daily, hourly, and minute-ly basis, with both full access and free reign.

Again, I definitely believe my boyfriend isn't doing anything wrong. But I guess I do find it sort of suspicious that, if that's really the case, he won't give me the information for even one of his accounts—Venmo, Slack, Depop, I don't care! If there's really nothing to hide, what difference would it make? Is it so terrible that I want transparency? And the permanent ability to login to his Twitter whenever I'm feeling a little fucking insane?

Look, I have a full-time job. So even if I did have access to his accounts, it’s not as though I’d have the time or energy to consistently monitor them. Not personally, at least. I’d have to outsource that labor to an intern. I’m hoping they could report any unusual activity on his profiles, block hot and/or interesting women, lock him out of his accounts if it looks like he’s doing anything even potentially questionable… just standard tasks, really!

I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t be the only person out there who’s a little curious about their partner’s every thought and move. That’s why I’ve actually been considering expanding this service as a business! I do have to re-read the laws on stalking and harassment before making any moves—also, is it like, really bad to have a restraining order on file? Or would that go away after a few years? Are you still able to vote and stuff?—but it’s fun to daydream about making a career out of something I’m truly passionate about!

Realistically, I don't think I'm ever going to actually ask my boyfriend for his passwords, no matter how much I may yearn for proof of his loyalty in the form of a boundary-less relationship. Because if I do, he might then ask for my passwords, too, and honestly? I'm uncomfortable with that, for valid reasons that he should respect.