Friends, family, and loose acquaintances I keep for the numbers,

Has it really been eleven months? I obviously can't see you through a Facebook update, but I'm sure you look tired. I personally managed to keep off the quarantine weight — I mean, why consume with your body when you can consume with your mind?

Yes, guilty as charged — I've been reading! Gosh, is it just that obvious? Don't be intimidated, I'm still just like you, only quite a bit better now. You see, I read an entire book during quarantine, and it completely changed my life.

Sorry to be so philosophical, but for me, the pandemic was really about finding out deep, real things about myself, and learning to embrace those truths. It was actually exactly like when Hagrid first told Harry that he was a wizard.

Oh sorry, I forgot you don't read! I'm talking about Harry Potter, of course, from the book I just finished. The characters are just so real, it's like they're my friends, you know? Well, I guess you wouldn't know, it's just a “reader” thing.

Anyway, Harry was surprised at first by his new identity, but he came to accept it because he knew it was right. That's like me, but with being a smart person.

I don't expect you to understand, but it is truly incredible to finally be able to embrace the academic side of myself. I mean, I'll just say it : yes, I was productive during the pandemic, and yes, I do now consider myself to be on a higher plane of intelligence, but this isn't a competition! I mean, am I objectively better than you now? That's not for me to say, but yes. This time has given us all an opportunity to look inwards at who we truly are, and I have realized something quite profound: I'm an intellectual.

Gosh, I sound like such a Hermione! That's Hermione Granger, by the way. Please try to keep up.

Sure, quarantine is hard, what with gyms being closed and all. I mean, I personally didn't mind having a break from exercising my body—I just used the time to exercise my brain.

I now understand COVID-19 isolation in a way I didn't before. It's a trial, a test, much like the life-sized magical chess set that Harry had to battle on his way to meet Voldemort. There are so many moving parts and some people will struggle more than others, that's just the reality of the situation. Ron didn't want to be sacrificed as a knight but that was the only way for Harry to get a checkmate. Would things have been different if Dumbledore had been in charge of the journey? I think we can all agree that there needed to be an adult in the room, but those just aren't the cards Harry was dealt!

Sorry, what was I talking about? Classic me, getting lost in a book!

I don't mean to make you feel badly about yourself, but also, how could you not? You've just… survived? Lived through an extremely traumatic global pandemic? That's it? Harry Potter literally had his parents killed in front of his eyes as an infant, then lived under the stairs of his abusive aunt and uncle for years until he had his world turned upside down with the news that he was magic, but you couldn't illuminate your mind with a single book? Non-bibliophiles can be so self-involved.

Anyway, I'm not posting this status just to say that you should get over yourself, but I personally have now finished the Harry Potter book, and it has made me more culturally aware, more intelligent, and more alive.

Thank you for checking in, and I look forward to reading your comments of praise.

What do you mean, “it's a series”?

There're seven of them?

JK Rowling said WHAT?!