1. Denial

No, I did not enter my password incorrectly.

Ok, re-enter the password slowly; I'll look at my fingers as they hit the keys.

Error message?! This is not happening.

Alright, I'll only use my index finger to type in the password.

ERROR? No. There's no way I've entered this incorrectly; I painstakingly watched myself do this the right way ten times now. Why would I get my password wrong? It's my password.

2. Anger

Why is this happening?! I use the same password for everything. How could this possibly be wrong when starfish17 has been my password for every account for the past 15 years?!

Answer a security question? Sure, let's give that a whirl!

“What is your father's middle name?”

Answer: Anthony.

Answer not correct?!! But that IS his fucking middle name! Why would I have put anything different?!

3. Bargaining

Ok, I'll just start the reset process.

Yep, send reminder email.

Now just answer a few questions to verify it's me.

Why does it require so much information? Social security number? Really? Just to reset my password? Fine, whatever.

Country of origin? Fine. Who cares? Not sure why a hacker or someone else with malevolent intentions would want to log in to see my student loan balance. Here's the whole gamut of my info, including my son's second grade teacher's name. If this is what it takes to log in to see my student loan balance, fine.

4. Depression

Reset email still hasn't arrived although I've refreshed this page for ten minutes.

Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm never going to finish paying off these loans, so what does it matter if I can't log in and check the account balance? If it's not this bill, it's another. The bills will never be paid, and I'll always have $300 deducted monthly from my account for these stupid loans. Forever.

5. Acceptance

Ok, that's fine. If I can't log in, I can't log in.

Oh wow, look at that: the email finally arrived. I can reset it to the same password it already was.

Ok, link to reset takes me to a page that won't load… ok, just hit refresh and… bam!

Alright, here we go. When I reset it to starfish17, it probably won't allow me to since I already used that-

Oh snap. I set the password as hunkydory77?

Oh yeah… that's right. Well, NOW it's starfish17. I'll write this down so I won't forget it next time.

Where're my Post-Its? Eh, whatever. I'll remember the password next time this happens.