Some family you’re born with and some you’re blessed to find along the way.

I’m happy my mom found you outside a Ralph’s.

* * *

Fatherhood brings out the best in a man.

Stepfatherhood brings gas station flowers.

* * *

Everything changed when my mom met you.

Even her personality. So weird.

* * *

Stepdad, today is a celebration of all the gifts you bring to our family.

Like your persistent, low grade nose whistle.

* * *

You might not have been there when I took my first steps,

But you were there when I ran away to live with my aunt because I hated your smell.

* * *

They say blood is thicker than water, but they’ve never walked in on you in the bathtub.

* * *

There are times in life when you just need your dad.

You’re not him.

* * *

You’re wise.

You’re loving.

You’re wearing a t-shirt that says “FBI: Female Body Inspector.”

* * *

Mom could have picked anyone, but she picked you.

* * *

You only get one dad.

But if your mom has daddy issues, you can have seven.

* * *

Stepfather, you have so much love to give.

So it’s odd that you give it all to the guys on your vintage car message board.

* * *

You made room in your heart for our family,

And we made room in our house for your Crocs.

* * *

Just because we don’t have the same genes,

means I probably won’t inherit your hairline,

which is a relief.

* * *

I love that you make mom so happy.

Is it a sex thing?

* * *

Stepdad,

No matter how much changes in our lives, you’re always there to remind me my real dad is in Peru.

* * *

You may not be my dad, but you’ll always be fucking my mom.


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