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Deep Thoughts Quotes
Tidbits of wisdom gone astray, lengthy diatribes that may or may not leave you confused, and general displays of knowledge-dropping. Submit your quotes here!
"My friend told me those gay dudes like to be geek monsters so they can be like... hyper... gay."
-Wody, on cocaine use among homosexuals
"Dude, it's like the tag line for Alien Vs. Predator: Whoever wins... we lose."
-Mike, on the potential physical altercation between two hefty female classmates
"Son, a man once told me that women are god's way of giving us slaves without any moral consequence."
-Why James' father will never meet his first girlfriend
BK: So, me and my friends would roll up to Taco Bell and be like, "Yo man, we're vegetarians and you gave us some beef chalupas instead of chicken, so all we want are some chicken chalupas dude," and they'd be like, "Oh man, yeah yeah" and we'd get that shit for free.
Kari: Well, you know, vegetarians don't eat chicken, either....
BK: Yeah I know, but dude those Taco Bell kids are dumb as fuck!
-On the most ridiculous way to eat between paychecks
Tommy: At this point I'm not sure who has a better sense of humor...god or the devil.
Brock: I think they just sit around drinking and one upping one another.
Tommy: I could see that.
-Visualizing the powers that be
John: Okay, so you type the information here, but don't hit the back button it will be... have you been watching the Olympics? Some chick stepped out of the mat and the announcer called it a catastrophe! Earthquakes killed a lot of people there not too long ago; that was a catastrophe, not gymnastics.
Brock: Yeah, that was a little off-color...
John: Agreed, but don't hit the back button, it WILL be a catastrophe. Seriously, people will fucking die.
-On consuming distractions
Francisco: Yeah, that looks cool, except the eyes throw me off a little.
Chad: The eyes looked fine to me. It was the mouth that threw it off. But still, it's an example of what is ahead. And frankly, it involves the Olsen twins doing each other.
-On the latest computer generated modeling software
"Nice. Black on black, nice tint... I wonder if their daughter's hot?"
-Ben, shopping for used cars
Jon: Steve works here right?
Frank: Yeah, but how the hell are we going to find him in a supermarket this huge? Wait, Steve's quarter Jew right?
Jon: Yeah.
Frank: So we drop a penny on the ground, wait for 4 times as long as a normal Jew, and Steve will show up.
-On the law of attraction
"Fuck boyfriends, you don't need them. Just stick with your pet rabbit - he'll never screw you over. Well except when he chewed through the cord on your Wii. Okay, let's say he'll never intentionally screw you over."
-Munk, unsuccessfully trying to cheer up a recently dumped friend
Andres: I thought your garage door opener only worked from close up.
Kevin: Yeah, but when I'm driving towards the garage it seems to work pretty well.
Andres: That's odd...
Kevin: Well I thought about it, and I think it has to do with the Doppler effect.
(2 sec silence)
Andres: Ahahahahah!!
Kevin: What?
Andres: You would have to be going somewhere in the vicinity of the speed of light for a Doppler effect on E-magnetic waves.
-Why Kevin is a dental student
Sam: It was like... you know like the dreams you get after you eat too much pizza?
Hank: Pizza dreams?
Sam: Yes.
Shel: What the fuck...
Jessi: Um, it may just be because I live with them, but that totally made sense to me.
-On the effects of guy roommates and pizza, apparently
Danny: So I've decided to name all my kids after various types of cheese.
Molly: What?! Like what?
Danny: Yeah. I'm gonna name them like... Brie, Jack, Colby, Fontina...
Molly: What will you tell them if they ask about their names?
Danny: I'm not gonna say anything! Here's my plan: I'm just gonna wait until they figure it out themselves. One day they'll be like, "Oh my God... we all have names of various cheeses!" And it'll be AWESOME.
Molly: You don't have a lot going for you, do you?
