College Quotes! Dumb-Funny Quotes

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Saturday, August 13

JJ: So moving on to the holy trinity... basically, it's like God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are all a family, but at the same
time are all the same person.
Josh: OK, question. So if God the Father had sex with God the Son, would it be incest or masturbation?
-One way to stump a Christian
Stanford University

Police officer: Son can I have your license and registration.
Brad: Hold on...here ya go.
Police officer: Son, these are instructions for your radio.
Brad: Do you listen to music?
-Trying to deal with cops on shrooms
University of Michigan

Jodie: Stacey, I had some of the dove shit.
Stacey: You mean Grey Goose.
Jodie: Yeah that!
-Jodie, explaining why she was so drunk on her 21st
Radford University

Gorge: Hey baby, I'm also available in sober.
Random girl: Are you available in attractive? Because that would be great.
-Attempting to provide options at a party
Clemson University

"If you are not talking to yourself, then you're missing out on some good conversations."
-Professor Williams, on alone time
Radford University

Jenny: Wow you lose a lot of hair in the shower. You could make a wig.
Jenn: Yeah I could cure the cancer kids...
Jenny: Giving them hair doesn't cure them.
Jenn: Well they should be thankful for my wig, sick ugly bastards.
Northern Kentucky University

"Musket!"
-Joe, calling shotgun dressed as a pirate
Arizona State University

"Yeah? Well I made TWO fools out of myself!"
-Lee, drunkenly trying to one up her friend after a party
Georgia Tech University

Megan (slamming on brakes): Whoa!!
Mattie: Nope, it says "Birch." We are the only idiots that would stop at a street sign just because it ALMOST said bitch.
-Driving in unknown territory
University of Central Oklahoma

Elysia: Why do they call them "boobs"?
Josh: Because they're awesome!
-Josh, speaking his one track mind
Stanford University

Thursday, August 11

Ben: You know, there's probably some movie theater in the middle of California where so many Star Wars fans are crammed together that the females
have their virginity taken by light sabers.
Rachel: Ugh...sodomized by light sabers...that has to hurt.
-Waiting in line for episode three on opening night
California Polytechnic Institute, Pomona

Jenny: Wow that was really smart!
Rachael: It's all in here!
Jenny: In your hair?
-After Rachael started tapping her head during a class discussion
Arizona State University

Ted: Having sex with an old person would be so disgusting. It would be like.....
Chrissy: Pulling apart a grilled-cheese sandwich.
-The token girl shocking a room full of guys
Western Washington University

Kelly: Oh stop being gay.
Rob: Ya know...he really is gay.
Kelly: I know...he needs to calm down.
Rob: NO, I mean, like he's actually homosexual.
Kelly: Oh...well, that explains it.
-Separating the gay from the GAY
Suffolk Community College

Professor Mullersman: What is the benefit of liver regeneration evolutionary?
Chad: Binge drinking!
Professor Mullersman: I think from an evolutionary stand point, cave men didn't go to college.
East Tennessee State University

Blake: Man, that sucks balls.
Derek: Nah, it sucks cock.
Blake: No way dude, balls is SO much more homo.
-Defining the degrees of suckage
Franciscan University

Jeff: What makes this olive oil extra virgin?
Mike: Well, the first squeeze of the olive is extra virgin, the second squeeze is virgin, and the rest is just regular olive oil.
Andre: Since when is virgin the same as sloppy seconds?
-Discussing the finer points of food nomenclature
Western/Central/Eastern Washington University

Chris: So where should we go on our date? It's your choice, as long as it's under five dollars.
Morgan: Sweet! 'Cause I know a place that'll feed ya, clean ya, and entertain ya for $4.95 WITH tax!
Chris: Been there, done that.
Morgan: So you know. Hey! Did they shave your netherparts free-of-charge, too?
Chris: No comment.
Morgan: Too far?
Chris: No, just something went wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
-Getting the pre-date talk out of the way
University of Illinois at Chicago

"Going down has never failed me before!"
-Pat, deciding which way to go in a bookstore
Western Washington University