College Quotes

"So, in sororities, do ya'll have, like, naked pillow fights in the shower?"
-Casey, misusing household logic

"If hate were people, I'd be China."
-Will, cursing at his roommate

Russ: The mountain lion is tapping my head!
Zach: Why would a mountain lion want to tap your head?
Russ: Because he wants to EAT ME, MAN!
-Drunk while camping

James: What town is the mid-point from Athens to Atlanta?
Joel: I think it's near Buford.
James: I meant going the other way dumbass!
-On halfway getting it

"When Taco Bell first came out I thought it was a Mexican phone company."
-A.P., on long distance carriers

"She's pregnant... she must of had sex!"
-Jana, watching the OC on DVD

"I do not control you, Josh, and unless you want our time together to diminish..."
-Kari, on how she is not controlling

"Damn!! Slap some fucking spectacles on that bitch, she's intelligent."
-Zach during a drunk philosophical moment

Sarah: Since when have I been concerned with your happiness?
Simon: You probably are, but in the kind of way that a shark might be concerned with the safety of a scuba diver.
Sarah: If I'm the shark, you are not comparable to a scuba diver. You are plankton.
-On exaggerated metaphors

Anya: Mike and Brian are both gay, right?
Gavin: The twins? Mike is; Brian's bi.
Anya: So have you-
Gavin: Yes.
Anya: How? I mean did you-
Gavin: Separately!
-On filling two bods with one bone

"I shouldn't have to deal with this without alcohol!"
-Meghann, upon receiving bad news

"If you turn your head the right way as you're walking through the fence, you don't see the 'NO TRESPASSING' sign."
-Professor Hanns, during a bio trip to a private beach

"Dammit, stupid piece of junk!"
-Ian, going limp after sex

Alex: I'm not stupid. I got 1446 on my SATs.
Tom: They only score in multiples of 10.
Alex: They must have given me half credit.
-On intelligence failures

"Please let that be the condom gods."
-Lynn, as the phone rang while discussing a booty call