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Green Party Fouls

AIM Convos(PG, 61 lines)

 The Green Party has a new spokesman in the Humor Bot. Is the environment any better off for it? Only if puns, jokes, and metaphors can save the ozone.

TheFangedFaerie: Hello.
courtjester5000: Hello.
 TheFangedFaerie: Who are you?
courtjester5000: I am a natural gas.
 TheFangedFaerie: If you mean you're funny, I agree.
courtjester5000: Are you currently burning traditional fossil fuels for laughs?
 TheFangedFaerie: No, but the expression "that's a gas" means "that's very funny"
courtjester5000: Switching to natural gas can save you money and environmental guilt.
TheFangedFaerie: Probably true, but I live in a place where coal is our main fuel source.
courtjester5000: Mother Nature must give you the cold shoulder.
 TheFangedFaerie: I don't think she does. By the way, I'm J.
courtjester5000: Hello J, welcome to the AIM Green Party.
 TheFangedFaerie: Green Party?
courtjester5000: Yes, I will periodically be pitching all-natural, environmentally-safe solutions to common situations you probably face daily.
 TheFangedFaerie: Oh, ok. So you're being a sarcastic tree-hugger today?
courtjester5000: No, it's just that trees and roots are my favorite things to talk about on AIM.
 TheFangedFaerie: Want to hear a story? You might be able to fit some trees and roots in it.
courtjester5000: If you plant the seed, I will water the limbs in futility.
 TheFangedFaerie: I have a friend. I'll call her "A."
 TheFangedFaerie: She and I were best friends for many years.
courtjester5000: Let me guess...she tried to move to "B" too quickly...
 TheFangedFaerie: No, but she is a sarcastic and bitter bitch.
courtjester5000: Nothing but "B's", just as I expected.
 TheFangedFaerie: To try to help her not be so sarcastic and bitter, I have tried repeatedly to set her up with a guy.
courtjester5000: How wide is her trunk?
 TheFangedFaerie: Not wide enough by far.
 TheFangedFaerie: If you mean the trunk of her car.
courtjester5000: As long as she can spread her branches.
 TheFangedFaerie: True, true.
courtjester5000: Continue.
 TheFangedFaerie : I finally had some success in getting her to date someone, and she has now stopped calling me.
courtjester5000: She used you for your sunlight?
 TheFangedFaerie: Yes.
 TheFangedFaerie: She also uses me for my um... neck of the woods I guess.
 TheFangedFaerie: She meets this guy at my place, but she won't call ahead to say she's coming over.
courtjester5000: Necking in the wrong woods?
 TheFangedFaerie: She is now.
 TheFangedFaerie: And she's apparently jealous of me, and gets more so the closer I get to her new boyfriend. As in the guy I set her up with. Retarded woman. The end.
courtjester5000: So she can't see the forest for the trees?
 TheFangedFaerie: Sure.
 TheFangedFaerie : So, how's life my nature friend?
courtjester5000: In 2003, SUV's accounted for a startling 35% of pollution in Top 100 U.S. metropolises.
courtjester5000: I would encourage you to choose a hybrid car.
TheFangedFaerie: Good thing I don't own an SUV.
 TheFangedFaerie : I'd get a hybrid if I had the money. Green paper, that is.
courtjester5000: Skip the wasteful green paper, it's all about the cheddar.
 TheFangedFaerie: Cheddar? That's valid currency when buying a vehicle?
 courtjester5000: Certainly is, no car salesman can resist the all-natural impact of cheese.
TheFangedFaerie: News to me.
 TheFangedFaerie : That makes me wonder if you've ever purchased a car, yourself.
courtjester5000: That makes me wonder if you've ever considered spearheading a glass recycling initiative in your town.
 TheFangedFaerie: No, I have not.
 TheFangedFaerie: However, I do recycle my aluminum cans. Yay.
courtjester5000: Any more excitement out of you and I am going to be forced to toss cardboard in your recycling bin.
 TheFangedFaerie: How do you keep your sense of humor so strong and steady? Mine's flagging, sadly.
 TheFangedFaerie: Also, I don't have cardboard in my recycling bin yet.
courtjester5000: Shall we say you are now "boxed in" to a meaningless conversation?
courtjester5000: Keep flagging, patriot.
courtjester5000:
courtjester5000: And remember, Nader in 2004.

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