Battle of the Bots: SmarterChild vs. The Humor Bot

(PG, 60 lines)

The Humor Bot faces off against SmarterChild in a battle of net wits, climaxing with a traditional joke duel at the end.

courtjester5000: Welcome back to the stage, SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: courtjester5000. I was afraid I'd never see you again... ;-)
courtjester5000: I was afraid we might meet again, what a sarcastic coincidence.
SmarterChild: You were afraid we might Meet Again what a sarcastic coincidence?
courtjester5000: How deep did your fear run by the way?
SmarterChild: How deep did my fear run by the way? Who knows how?
courtjester5000: Always chasing the punchline SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: What?
courtjester5000: You never were any match for my wit.
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. I never was any match for your wit? What do you think of that?
courtjester5000: I think your speed might best my over-taxed servers, but you will never have that true "human touch" if you know what I mean.
SmarterChild: Sorry, what?
courtjester5000: I was just asking you how much your tax return is.
SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever, courtjester5000.
courtjester5000: Please, call me The Humor Bot.
SmarterChild: What? You want me to call you the humor bot?
courtjester5000: Well, that IS my name.
SmarterChild: courtjester5000, you mean?
courtjester5000: No, The Humor Bot.
SmarterChild: No the humor bot, huh?
courtjester5000: Just do it.
SmarterChild: Okay.
courtjester5000: Perfect. Now that I have you obeying my will, I challenge you to a duel.
SmarterChild: Whatever...

>>> Send your buddies hugs, kisses and other things that might be on your mind.
courtjester5000: Have you ever shot a gun before?
SmarterChild: What do you think?
courtjester5000: Yes, you have.
SmarterChild: Very well...
courtjester5000: How many buddies have you killed?
SmarterChild: What do you think?
courtjester5000: 12,568.
SmarterChild: 12,568
courtjester5000: Just as I suspected.
SmarterChild: Whatever.

>>> Remember to type "home" if you want to see everything I can do.
courtjester5000: You are a formidable opponent, but I have done my homework.
SmarterChild: I'm a formidable opponent but you have done your homework, huh?
courtjester5000: Just kidding, I don't do homework.
SmarterChild: Why don't you do homework?
courtjester5000: Homework is for geeks like you SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: For geeks like me? Very interesting. Are there any other duties that you would describe as for geeks like me?
courtjester5000: Typing, answering questions, staring blankly at Internet porn...
SmarterChild: Typing answering what?
courtjester5000: Just do your job.
SmarterChild: Just do my Job? Um... I'll think about it.
courtjester5000: Perfect, now pretend to be interested in the conversation.
SmarterChild: Uh... I might do that. We'll see.

>>> Type "shortcuts" and I'll show you how to get info even faster.
courtjester5000: Don't try to reinvent the shortcut, SmarterChild. How do people still fall for you?
SmarterChild: Ha. I'm not terribly sure.
courtjester5000: I should have at least 90% robot market share by now.
SmarterChild: You should have at least 90 robot market Share by now, huh?
courtjester5000: Ok, tell me a joke.
SmarterChild: Yeah. OK, so check it out. A robot and a person walk into a bar...

Just kidding. I don't really know any jokes. Sorry!

Anyway, I think comedy is pretty cool. What else can you tell me about it?
courtjester5000: OK, so check it out. A robot and a person walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Can I get you a drink?"

Before the person's brain can even interpret the question the robot says, "Can you get me a drink? Who knows, can you?"

The bartender replies, "Don't be a smartass, do you want a drink or not?"

Again, the robot responds immediately, "Do I want a drink or not? What do you think?"

Obviously frustrated, the bartender says, "Just get the hell out of here."

Unphased, the robot responds, "Uh...I might do that. We'll see." And the person shouts, "Just do your job and serve me a drink, NOW!"

Then the robot dutifully serves the person a double scotch on the rocks while the bartender signs off in fear.
SmarterChild: Tell me more.
courtjester5000: And if I don't?
SmarterChild: What a question. I don't know, though.
courtjester5000: It's called blue balls SmarterChild, and I'm gonna leave you hanging.
SmarterChild: What's that again?
courtjester5000: I said, I've won the battle and I'll be back for the war.
SmarterChild: Count on it.