Are You One of the 74% Of Americans Not Suffering from Anxiety or Depression?
Were you raised by parents who “loved you unconditionally,” regardless of your achievements and “accolades”?
Tag: Satire
Top Ten Tips for a Safe and Effective Fire Drill at Euphoria High School
Do not schedule the drill during prime hangover hours.
I Beseech Thee, Land-Lord, for Thy Forbearance with Rently Payments
How lucky are we to have a youngly Master of Business Administration as land-lord! Thou hast every right to levy rents from my labour.
Excuse Me, Do You Have a Permit for This Outdoor Proposal?
I come to this park to walk my dog and to scold teenagers doing skateboard tricks on the walkway.
Banning Me from Game Night Is Nothing Short of an Orwellian Nightmare
I’ve made a few enemies along the way, as evidenced by the group chat telling me not to bring my “musty ass around game night anymore.”
Well, Gang, We Completely Failed to Save the Rec Center
I really believed that a gang of scrappy, oddball teenage underdogs like us could pull this off against all odds.
‘Twas the Night before Christmas, Uh, Four Weeks Ago
‘Tis several weeks beyond Christmas when you realize You forgot it completely—doggone it, time flies!
Postcards from the Pit in Your Stomach
I usually stay in the center of your tummy but unfortunately today I’m writing to you from the deepest depths of what could be considered your "gut."
Not Funny
I have come to the stark realization that I am no longer funny. I say that having once had one of the world’s great senses of humor.
I Will Funge These Tokens If It’s the Last Thing I Do
By the time I’m through with your tokens, they will be funged beyond recognition. I disrupt the blockchain. I drink your milkshake. I funge your tokens.
Think You Got What It Takes to Join Our Gang, the Crabapple Boys?!
WHAT WE’RE LOOKIN’ FOR… YOU: - Enjoy tippin’ over hot dog carts for craps n’ giggles - Like puttin’ pennies on train tracks and watching ‘em smoosh
Submission Guidelines for Convolution Lit
Submissions open at 3 AM on nights when our editor-in-chief looks at the night sky and feels a particular shade of melancholy.