Are you one of the 74% of Americans “not suffering from anxiety or depression”?

Do you “rarely if never” experience feelings of sadness or anxiousness for prolonged periods of time?

Were you raised by parents who “loved you unconditionally,” regardless of your achievements and “accolades”?

Do you exclusively and slowly back your Infiniti SUV into parking spots—even when you're not in a one-way slanted-spot situation, and even when a line of cars is behind you, waiting—because it “saves time later”?

Does it?

Have you always “loved your job”?

Do you always “fall asleep” at the exact same time, every night, “without the help of narcotics”?

Do you like “all kinds of music,” including country “and rap”?

Do you “not really see the problem with” and/or “never really look at” social media?

Are you “not wearing any makeup” in that photo?

In “all photos”?

Do you arbitrarily “answer” product questions on Amazon—when you haven't even bought the product—with things like “I don't know” and “Read the description”? (If so, please stop.)

Did you “skip voting” in the 2016 election, because you were “undecided”?

In 2020?

Were you “borderline” offended by the Netflix movie Don't Look Up because it “could never really happen” and also because you “don’t really get offended”?

When your husband proposed, did you shriek like an ambulance waiting for an Infiniti® to park while you sobbed tears “of joy”?

Even though you helped him plan the proposal?

Are you the “lucky” mother of three “beautiful” children, whom you “love very much”?

And do you somehow manage to “keep track of everyone’s socks”—and then “successfully pair them”—after “every” load of laundry?

Have you “never really thought about” what might happen if you suddenly drove your car off the side of the road?

Have you “never taken a moment” to pause, look down into the depths of your soul, and painfully ask yourself whether or not you're a good person at heart?

Have you “never done that” every morning?

Are you currently “not terrified about” the possibility of your husband running off with Stacey “from Accounting,” divorcing you, getting full custody of the children, and heartlessly taking the Infiniti, leaving you “penniless” and socially isolated for the remainder of your long, pitiful life, until you die alone?

Do you “never fantasize about” leaving your babies in a trash can and running off to Mexico, where you’d trade your luxury-yet-tacky diamond engagement ring for a life of drug-induced bliss and sexual experimentation?

Do you like cats “and dogs”?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be one of the 74% of Americans who “aren’t suffering from anxiety or depression.” But thanks to NeuroTypica™️, you don't have to “feel this way” anymore. Ask your “doctor” about NeuroTypica™️, “today”!

Or call 1-800-REPRESSION.


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