How to Manage a Household Infestation of Artists from the Romantic Period
Don’t leave any emotions or aesthetic experiences on exposed surfaces overnight.
Tag: Satire
If the IRS Wrote Thank You Notes
We wanted to let you know how deeply we were moved by your generous mandatory contribution. 30% of your base income… It was just what we wanted!
The 12 Steps of Recovering a Forgotten Password
Somewhere, up in the cloud someplace, there is a benevolent being that can let you back into your SubzScription account.
Can You Call Back Later, Ma? I’m Whackin’ a Guy Here
Ma, you hear that? The boys say hi. They're blowing kisses too. Joe "Ice Pick" Angelini says thank you for the chicken cacciatore.
Some Fine Print in the Studios’ Proposed WGA Contract
All contracted writers agree to verbally and casually mention to their friends that password sharing is "cringe."
I’m a Movie Teen and This Is Really How I Talk
Speaking like this to my mom and bestie is just kind of my aesthetic? Does that make sense? It doesn’t? Well, whatever. I didn’t write this movie.
I Know This Is Your Summer Hangout, but as Your Father I Think It Would Be Much Better If I Fired up the Grill
I’ve got everything lined up so this grilling experience won’t be sullied by past mistakes. Remember the infamous Frankless Fourth of July?
Have You Even Lived?
Eaten an Oreo without twisting it open and gnawing out the cream; just bit right into that motherfucker.
Summer Movie Releases as Previewed by Your Neighbor Who Is Getting a Pool
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m more excited for: a new Transformers movie or this brand new swimming pool I’m having put in my backyard.
An Excerpt from “Dead Guy Avenue,” My Hardboiled Detective Novel Where the Narrator Can’t Really Remember What Happened
Wait, no, maybe it was his wife who killed his business partner? I don’t know-- someone died, is the gist of it.
Do You like SEO, Bro?
There wasn’t a single awkward pause, which is rare because I get anxious when I talk to a search engine I want to optimize.
What I Think Will Happen When I Complete Duolingo Beginner French
“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”