Satire | Page 171 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

In 1903, Theodore Roosevelt announces an open boxing challenge to any willing swamp rabbit. In 1911, William Howard Taft eats a swamp rabbit.

So why is Potbelly keeping your hard-earned taxpayer money? Because you all will fucking forget the second you’re allowed outside, that’s why.

“I was reluctant to try Tinder, too. You never know what weirdos you might find. Anyway, I enjoyed reading my entire dissertation aloud to you."

Lay very long in bed, enthralled by newly bequeathed Ozark. The Sickness, I hear, encreases in the towne much, and exceedingly everywhere.

That mewing and hawing you’re hearing on the upper deck isn’t the 4 PM slop feeding. It’s a protest!

It wasn’t my intention to shout “HOLY HELL MOTHER OF GOD LEAVE ME BE YOU WICKED BEAST!” as you went over our Planned vs. Actual.

The Four Wings tournament is in no way, shape, or form, “to the death.” I really don’t know how people keep getting that impression.

DO invest in companies exploring alternative energy, such as General Electric (GE), Chevron (CVX), and my cousin’s cannabis farm, WEEDENERGY.

“You have the right to remain sexy, no matter how indeterminately older you are than your circle of close friends.” It’s just a number, people!

The Altos (Ask Jeeves Deluxe): If Riverdale is Twin Peaks for teens, then The Altos is The Sopranos for people who barely know what television is.

We will make our own at-home exercises—ones that won’t make you want to lay on your floor begging God or Satan for a moment of relief.

Banners will fly, in all major cities, bearing my image and a few of my most famous words. There are so many.