Your Promotion from Coworker to Friend Has Been Denied
We know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but unfortunately our pool was full of more qualified applicants or people we already know who lived closer.
Tag: Satire
I Am the Last Living Person on Facebook
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
Parents, Just Fill Up the Volunteer Sign-Up Sheets and There Won’t Be Any Problems
You’re always baking anyway, what's one more batch of brownies? What about 12 extra batches?
A Kindergarten Progress Report for Myself, a 37-Year-Old Woman
Using the mantra, “Don’t be a crazy person,” Amy has presented as a competent, securely attached parent at drop-off time.
Why Go Back to the Moon When We Already Crashed into Its Eye in George Méliès “A Trip to the Moon”?
Are our resources best used on returning to the moon, a place explored over 120 years ago by a team of astronomers with huge beards and wizard hats?
I’m Sorry I Proposed to You with a Mood Ring
I could tell when the jewelry dissolved into fuschia that your rage was masking “a range of emotions, including surprise, anxiety, restlessness, and confusion.”
We’re Definitely Not Exaggerating Our Claims About This Merino Wool Jacket Just to Get You to Buy It
This jacket matches whatever you’re wearing. It’ll choose an outfit for you if you don’t know what to wear.
I Am the Finance Director at the Car Dealership and I Welcome You into My Cramped Windowless Office
I’m here to take away, bogeyman-style, all the excitement that you had when you walked into my small windowless office of torture.
Blurbs Beyond Books
“Heartbreaking and beautiful. The Kenmore 600 Series Safety Instructions and User’s Guide is truly a vacuum cleaner manual to treasure.”
I’m Seeing Three Movies a Week with AMC Stubs and It’s Ruining My Life
But I remind Garret, for it is my duty, that an AMC Stubs subscription basically pays for itself.
The Thing About My Non-Committal Boyfriend Is That He Was Hurt in a Previous Relationship Also He Can’t Close His Eyes Completely like a Furby
He was broken up with once, so we can’t expect him to be anywhere on time, as planned, or wearing an outfit appropriate for the occasion.
Character from My Unfinished Epic Fantasy Novel or IKEA Product?
SNARJVK: A rubber vegetable-scrubbing glove, $7.99 or a giant wolf with ivory tusks and purple bioluminescent fur?