Satire | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

Listen, I can certainly understand your surprise about all this.

Just over and over again, and it’s been like three hours. Or possibly thousands of years, time sort of has no meaning here.

Will it scrape along a Toyota Camry, taking off seven inches of paint and cost the owner hundreds of dollars?

2:00 PM — The girls have worked up an appetite after all the screaming and feces throwing. Head to bottomless brunch.

A single smudge on an otherwise clean French door? No worries! An entire handprint? It’s a crime scene.

But friend, we are far from alone. We share this space with a legion of bugs.

But I really need to keep my weekends free in case my brother gets the jet skis or NYT Cooking puts out a really bomb 12-hour stew.

The very moment I use my turning signal I will be blasted sky-high. You can imagine the headache this has brought upon me.

Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.

I like to say we should glorify God in everything we do, but is it really “glorifying” the Lord when you’re sucking major ass in the dodgeball arena?

But please whisper these questions. I fell into this lion’s den at the zoo and the lions are sleeping. I want to keep it that way.

I took an “I Voted” sticker and slapped it on. The anti-participation trophy faction in the stands booed this profusely.