Things You Can Do After You’re Halfway Vaccinated
Grab brunch with friends, but only half-listen to what they’re saying. Something about a "drinking problem" and "ruining Stacy's wedding."
Tag: Satire
It’s Time to End Unemployment Benefits and Put In an Honest Day’s Work at the Rainforest Cafe
Think of all the times you said, "I wish I could provide for my family by working somewhere that played realistic thunderstorm sound effects every 17 minutes."
Dispatches from a Pigeon Trapped in a Grocery Store
9:15 AM – Bad news. No Bread. When I try to talk to Barry, manager Kyle swat at me and call me mean names like “noisy ass pidgeon.”
I’m Quitting—This Bowling Alley Is Going to Have to Find a New CGI Skeleton to Go On-Screen After a Strike
I became a bowling alley screen animation because damn it, I love this sport and I love being a part of it.
I’m That Fixer-Upper House in an Up-and-Coming Neighborhood, But Beware, I’ve Seen a Lot of Orgies
I used to have 30-45 people in me at once and not a bit of noise bothered the neighbors. Hey! That’s another thing: I’m very noise-proof!
New Restaurants You May or May Not Want to Try Post-Pandemic
At this annoying cafe every day is your birthday. Imagine singing waiters serving every course to the tune of “Happy Birthday” at full volume.
THTR 402: Intro to the Corporate Workplace for Theater Majors
We’ll utilize sense memory to translate your theater experiences of gossiping, backstabbing, and “stage crushing” into the workplace.
On Today’s Video, I Will Show You How to Mindfully Eat a Cupcake
Add a few gentle affirmations like, “I will enjoy this cupcake,” “I’m taking a moment to eat this cupcake,” or “I will show this cupcake no mercy.”
I Am the Mom in the Mop Commercial, and I Am Ready to Be the Mom in the Vacation Commercial
As great as this gig has been, it’s time to move on. Send me anywhere. Please. I’m your gal.
Feedback on My Existence
Have you considered making me taller and more visually striking? Might be good for brand recognition.
I’m Not Panicking, I’m Just Buying Up All the Gas Because I’m the Most Important Person on Earth
You might think I’m completely oblivious to the concept of shared social norms and values, and the fact is—you’re right.
Financial Planning for the Jigsaw Killer
Three tricycles, $170.00? What does a man need with three tricycles? I’ve never once seen him exercise!