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You can either let those lemons get you down, or you can absolutely crush the shit out of those lemons by channeling the inebriated fury of Thor.

Observation: Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, numb left arm. Hypothesis: I'm having a heart attack and I will die soon.

We want our employees to look virtually identical so if one disappears (I mean "calls out") we can just sub someone else into that role.

Zoboomers love to slip in hip cool slang like “fire,” “drip,” and “lit” to help better blend themselves in with the younger generation.

They don’t know how to tame the most popular coaster in Central Jersey. You do.

If I see an unattended Mason jar, you’re goddamn right that I’m filling it with marbles, lemon slices, and a few artistically disheveled wheat stems.

Do not allow my legacy to be tarnished by an out-of-touch billionaire who is disseminating white supremacist content over the internet.

After living the bore of your nine-to-five stability, you’re ready for some extra, life-long, exciting (did I say “life-long”?) responsibility.

Steal an intern’s idea and get a promotion for it? Buy them a piece of jewelry. The “hang loose” attitude of the puka shell never goes out of style.

You can’t read half the ingredients and might be suffocating a baby penguin with excess sodium monofluorophosphate, but at least you’re minty fresh.

Let me wipe off the shaving cream and stow my kit bag where the emergency phone used to be.

Standing on his tiptoes, he craned over their hunched heads, hoping to get a glimpse of the candidates.