This Pyramid Building Operation Is Anything but a Pyramid Scheme
If we work together, we can achieve anything! Specifically, a huge, triangular crypt for Pharaoh, through which he will transcend into the afterlife.
Tag: God
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
I, Lucifer, Regret to Announce the Early Closure of My Art Show Known as “Hell”
“Hell” is my collection of art pieces that explores suffering as an innate part of the human condition. What it isn’t is a punishment.
I Am the Old Man on the Stationary Bike at the Gym, and I Am Here to Fucking Crush It
I am simply part of the gym’s existence, like the water fountain and the ambient hip-hop music piped in through invisible speakers.
I’m Your Winter Cough and I’m Tired of Playing Second Fiddle to That Asshat Sneeze
Sneeze gets his own salutation but what do I get? Nada. Someone sneezes and everyone pulls a muscle trying to be the first to offer a “God bless you.”
Five Questions I Have for the Dude Grinning at the Gym
This is a wily attempt to mock us, isn’t it? You’re clearly fit, gorgeous even. You did it! Congratulations, but that’s it. Why are you still here?
“Today I Am a Woman” by Brittany Katz, Capo De Tutti Capi of the Larchmont Middle School District
I've informed the top girls in junior high and below that you can speak for me in all but the most sensitive matters. Welcome to the big show, ladies
A Practical Guide to Determining Who Drew Your Name for Secret Santa
We’ll start with an easy one here. Grandma probably didn’t understand the rules and went ahead and put her name on the package.
The First Baptist Church Christmas Eve Service 2019, Presented by Verizon Wireless
Believers, tonight I bring you good news of unlimited talk and text to the Creator of the universe, powered by America’s best 5G network.
I Caught My Husband Crying While Cutting Onions. That’s Why I’m Leaving Him
The man who I had married, the man who I’d seen get into a shoving match with a JV baseball coach, had become something unrecognizable.
Does This Crippling Existential Dread Make Me Look Fat?
This thing we call "life" is really just a painfully drawn out, cosmic joke. And I can’t tell if that’s what’s causing the bulge around my waistline.
5 Episodes of “DuckTales” Where Winter’s First Snowfall Coincided with Uncle Scrooge Explaining to His Grandnephews That Because They Were Not Human, God Would Not Welcome Them into the Kingdom of Heaven When They Died
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom