The Church Announces Changes to Try and Get Young People to Attend Mass
To help bring in the younger audience, the flock is now allowed to respond to “The Lord be with you” with “OK boomer.”
Tag: God
I Got Dumped for Having No Personality Even Though She Hadn’t Read All My T-Shirts
And what about that day I wore my ORGASM DONOR t-shirt and kept asking everyone in her family if they wanted to find out if they were a match?
You Forgot the Anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, Didn’t You?
Next you’re going to tell me that you don’t remember William Molineux organizing prominent Whig meetups at the Old South Meeting House.
The Many Ways in Which My Startup Journey Parallels the Life of Jesus Christ
Through charismatic storytelling many began to follow us. We paid them nothing, but we did feed them.
I’m an Atheist Straw Man in a Horror Movie
Have you ever heard of the term "self-fulfilling prophecy?" Maybe the cross is made of some kind of metal that vampires are sensitive to.
How to Use the Internet, For Boomers
The internet is one big lie. If you think someone’s telling the truth online, then you’re lying to yourself.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon-Ale with Thor
You can either let those lemons get you down, or you can absolutely crush the shit out of those lemons by channeling the inebriated fury of Thor.
God Submits a Query Letter for His First Draft of the Bible to the Goodman & Forsythe Literary Agency in New York
We appreciate you allowing Goodman & Forsythe the opportunity to review your fantasy novel, Bible. Unfortunately, it is not right for us at this time.
I Will Not Let Impostor Syndrome Get Me Down Just Because I’m an Actual Impostor
It has taken hard work to get to where I am. I am a self-made, set-a-guy-up-to-be-murdered-and-steal-his-identity kind of person.
To: The Lord RE: Your Mysterious Ways
Upper management has been attempting to quell frustration by saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Well, I for one think that You should not.
The Thing about High School Girls Is That They Stay the Same Age, And So Do I Ever Since I Drank from That Magic Well
Some may see the age gap as a little weird, but it's not nearly as weird as if I looked my real age, because then I would be a decaying skeleton.
Our Relationship, Based on the Amount of Time It Takes for Me to Text Back
24 hours: A work acquaintance who could care less about my existence but whose validation I seek nonetheless.