God | Page 9 | Points in Case

Tag: God

It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.

Our relationship was mutually beneficial: I gave him a son—Yngvar—and he told me my dress wasn’t “too Coachella.”

Quarter of a Quarter Life Crisis: Age 6. You will cope by throwing tantrums before bedtime and refusing to share your trucks with Jeremy.

It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.

There isn't a law on the books or rule of decorum that will get us to budge. Civilization has no hold over us this deep in the crowd.

If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.

3:40 PM: It’s fine. I’M FINE. I’ll find a partner someday. This is worth it. A few moments of pain, 10 years of no child-birth. That’s the trade-off.

I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.

Gaze upon the glory of my cover of “Seven Nation Army.” Observe the light of my own original songs, which sound exactly like “Seven Nation Army.”

There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.

"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.

This salad only has three ingredients: carrots, mayonnaise, and American elbow grease.